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22. Pull Yourself Together

Thank you for 20K reads, my dudes. You're all awesome. Here's to many more.

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As the door opened, Shane could see the glimmer in Ryan's eyes, and it took him back to the first day of when he told his best friend about the brunette that he had just met. The excitement clear in his voice, rushing and clamming the words together as if it was a race. It broke Shane's heart that Ryan found someone else that wasn't him, but he couldn't do anything but fake a smile to imply that he was happy for him. He was happy for him, of course, but for someone to say that they had found somebody else that wasn't them, it'd break their hearts, smashing each and every scenario that ever played in their minds. Silly hearts that beated for someone who didn't know the truth. For more than two decades, Shane wanted to tell Ryan how he really felt, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't want to ruin the perfect friendship they shared for many years. He didn't want to break the strong bond that they already had for some silly crush Shane had. So, the taller man watched as the brown in his eyes shone brighter than anything in this world, his eyes searching the place with a smile, waving at each guest that stood for the groom that walked the aisle.

"Hey, man. You alright?" Ryan greeted his best friend, gently patting his shoulders.

Shane slipped a small smile at the shorter man, nodding his head slightly. "Yeah. Though, I should be asking you." He laughed. And the groom laughed along, standing where he should be standing, in clear view of the big wooden door in front of him. "Are you alright?"

"Oh, dude. You have no idea how nervous I am right now."

"Oh I know. You're practically sweating, Ry. Calm your nerves!"

"I'm sorry! You know I get sweaty and disgusting when I'm nervous."

Shane nodded, chuckling at the man, "It's okay, dude, breathe. Here, wipe your forehead before your wife-to-be sees you and decides to leave you because you're sweating so much," Shane handed him a hankerchief that he carried in the pockets of his black suit, recieving a playful push from Ryan.

"Shut up, Shane." He smiled.

The moment his lips curved, the taller half could feel his heart flutter at the sight, his breath hitched. He knew he was staring, and he knew Ryan had his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Shane? Are you alright?"

The sound of the orchestra playing the traditional wedding song filled the atmosphere, causing Ryan to gaze his pretty blues on the door as it opened, revealing the most beautiful bride.

"There she is. You nervous?"

"Shut up. You know I am."

Shane's eyes averted to the bride who walked down the aisle with such grace he was jealous of. He thought back to the night when Ryan and Helen did get together, crying in his room; filled with tissues and darkness. It hurt him. Mostly because he thought he lost his only true friend to a girl he knew he was going to marry, and the thought scared him.

He couldn't imagine what life would've been like if he and Ryan didn't do the things to make them where they were now. He's always believed that it was going to be Shane and Ryan. They were always going to meet. It's always been destiny's plan.

But destiny was cruel enough to let him feel the emotion he kept so deep inside.

When Shane sat down, along with the other guests that they had invited, he gazed at the two loving couple, ready for commitment, ready for anything. They both had that look of love, their eyes twinkled at the sigh of each other. Their hands locked, never letting go. Never wanting to let go. And Shane could sense the tiny flame that burnt inside of his heart. His eyes betrayed him, along with his hands, and he looked down at the floor, whilst he listened to his best friend recite the vows that he had helped written. It hurt him.

"...And I promise to you, my dear Helen, I will love.. and cherish you for all enternity."

Shane's mind travelled back to when they were still kids, drawing and colouring a cartoon of a ghost that the teacher had given to them. They sat in silence until Little Ryan lifted his head and suddenly said, "We should make a pact."

Little Shane's eyebrows raised up in confusion, tilting his head slightly. "What's that?"

Little Ryan shrugged, "I don't know, but I hear it's awesome! So let's do it!"

"Okay!"

"What should we make it about?"

"Um.. We could make it about being best friends forever?"

Little Ryan's brown eyes lit up at the idea, "Yeah!"

It was little things like that, that made Shane wretched. He didn't want to lose his best friend. Not now. Not ever.

"I love you so much, Ryan Bergara. I promise to love you til my dying breaths."

My dying breaths. I promised to love you for that long first. His mind echoed.

Tears pooled at the corner of his eyes, thanking God people thought it was because of how sweet and in love Ryan and Helen were. It wasn't.

God dammit, Shane. Pull yourself together.

Pull yourself together.