Sexual | j.jk x reader ✓

❦; midnight

words ➮ 830
warnings ➮ mention of sa

                     『♡』•『♡』•『♡』•『♡』

𝑱𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒌𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒇𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒔𝒍𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕. I wanted to let him sleep in the bed so badly, I love him, I still do but after what he did...I hate this. Last night I was sure I hated it him, I do, but...I don't know.

I had a bad dream and woke up in the middle of the night, I had an instinct to go see if Jungkook was still home, he was on the couch sleeping. He was crying, maybe he was crying before he fell asleep, or his dream is making him cry. Either way, it's not my issue. I wanted to hold him. Cater to him.

Because he was crying. Shouldn't this be the other way around. I guess this is what he deserves for now. I hear a small noise come from the dining room, his iPad lit up the room.  I checked it and he got a message from the chick he was fucking. "Jeon, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry that our discussion led us to having sex, I don't want that anymore, I'm in love with my husband and we can still talk about your therapy."

Therapy? For what? What did he need therapy for that I don't know of? I've been his best friend for years and he's never told me of anything that involves needing therapy... besides that a therapist? Way to ruin your professionalism dumb bitch. What could he need therapy for? If anything I need it.

It was really late, I should be going back to bed, but I didn't want to dream anything bad again. I guess I can watch some T.V, I shuffled my feet against the soft carpet and sat on the love seat next to the couch, it was in the shape of an L. There was nothing on, I was searching through the channels and I just stuck with (random show)

Of course it had some love and romantic scenes in it, it made me sick and my heart ache. I would glance over at Jungkook every now and then. He was sleeping peacefully now, his eyes were still red and puffy. I felt the need to cry. I want to be held by him and have him give me goodnight kisses.

No, I need to be strong. He deserves unwanted love. I don't want him to feel loved right now. I started getting sleepy after about half an hour. I turned the T.V off and decided to curl up on the couch. There's nothing better then finding the perfect warm spot on a fluffy couch.

I was about to fall asleep when I felt warmth on my hand, it was Jungkook's hand. He wasn't looking at me or anything, he's just holding my hand with such delicacy, my heart melted a bit. "Jungkook, please let go." I say. His grip got tighter and his voice cracked. "Please, my love."  I sighed and laid back down, I let him hold my hand. That night I hadn't gotten that good of sleep since the first night I moved in with Jungkook.

_____
"Baby, wake up sunshine." Jungkook's soothing voice wakes me up from my sleep. I sit up, my eyes were still heavy.  "Jungkook, don't call me babe please, you have not earned that back yet." I say, I don't look at him while I get up and walk into the kitchen.  I was hungry, should I make him breakfast? He's still a human being... No! He can make his own breakfast.

"Y/n, I'm sorry, can you please understand? I'm a man, a very young one and my hormones are still raging and you never wanted to, you told me you weren't a virgin so I don't understand why you don't want to." Jungkook says. I gently close the fridge door, is he serious? I don't know any reason for him to be going to therapy, yet I know I need it.

"Do you want to know why?! I was sexually assaulted you asshole! I don't want to because I'm scared that you'll trigger something, and I don't want you to feel bad because it's not your fault. Trust me! I fucking want to but I have never been able to get that day out of my head, anytime you ask that's all I think of! I need time and you NEVER bothered to ask why I felt this way towards sex. You have no idea what it's like having these urges but feeling terribly disgusting about it, hating yourself for it like you aren't supposed to enjoy sex anymore. But you don't care! You don't fucking care and it seems you never have, I know I should've told you sooner but I just wanted to forget about it..." I ran passed him and grabbed my keys, he grabbed my wrist and looked at me with puppy eyes.

I shake my head no, I wanted to run away, I wanted to go love with my father again and just lock myself in a room and swallow the key. It's not even Jungkook's cheating at this point, it's all the memories and the...feelings of that day.