Dan Smith Imagines

37 → HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANNIE

LONG IMAGINE → It's been a couple of days since you and Dan got married. You're both currently enjoying some 'alone time' in your Italian honeymoon suit. For a nice change everything seems peaceful and calm—and definitely not like the recent evenings where you're crying and stressing about the wedding.

While you cuddle up against Dan's warm body you hear sniffing. Just for a second you ignore it, but since your head is resting on Dan's chest you can hear his unusually slow heartbeat. "Dan?" You whisper since it's late and that you don't particularly want to anger the other newly wed couple in the room besides yours.

Dan doesn't reply, so you look up only to see him look away with tears filling up his beautiful deep blue eyes. Almost immediately you sit up in bed next to him, holding the covers up to your bare chest for modesty. Dan shakes his head like it's 'no big deal' and tries to suck up the tears...but for the first time ever he can't stop crying.

"Shit me! Baby? What's wrong?" In the couple of years that you've known Dan, you've never seen a him cry like this. Dan, being a typical stubborn guy, shakes his head.

"Talk to be Dan!" You're in shock by the state he's got himself into. He looks visibly pained. While sobbing, Dan cups his hand over his eyes and forehead in embarrassment.

"I don't like this...I really do not like this. Are you in pain? What's wrong?!" You raise your voice again.

Dan finally inhales and manages to steady his shaky breath breath, "n-no..." he weakly whispers, of which relieves you.

"What is it, Danny? I might be able to help you," you stroke his freshly shaven face gently, bringing comfort to Dan.

Dan shakes his head and takes your hand from his cheek...before kissing it softly. "It's...really fucking stupid" Dan manages to stop himself crying as he tries to block out the unpleasant memories.

You shake your head in protest while Dan weakly sits up in bed, you sit next to him with his head resting on your shoulder. "Please tell me what's wrong...I need to know. I'm your wife." You whisper wanting to know if you've done, or said, anything wrong that Dan doesn't like. You know that you're playful jokes can sometimes get a little too personal.

All this suspense is killing you.

"There was this self destructive girl I used to know. Her name was Annie..." you stay quiet, indicting that he should keep on telling his story. So you don't move or disturb Dan, he seems comfortable on your shoulder. You don't know it, but your head resting against his gives him much needed comfort.

To prove that you're listening you intertwine your fingers with his, every now and again your squeeze it tightly...showing your loving support.

Dan looks down at your laced together fingers.
While it's a sweet move, Dan is forced to look away as it bringing back tragic memories of annie.

"We-ll"—he stutters—"it would be her birthday today. While me and you are here...wherever she is...annie is still suffering." You squeeze Dan's hand a little tighter for reassurance. You've never met this 'Annie' girl, and you never will do, but you feel the same emotion for her as Dan does...

Sorrow.

"She hated everything and everyone, no matter how many told her to look at life in a different perspective. Annie never listened to me though. The thing she hates more than the dark world... and was that she hated herself the most. The only living person she could stand was me..." Dan smiles thinking about upon her sweet round face before the heroin got the best of it. Ruining her prettiness...tooth by tooth...wrinkle by wrinkle.

"It turned out that the only person whom she ever felt loved by...stabbed her in the back. Apparently It's all because I refused to give her money. Sure she was homeless-" Dan cuts himself off as he cries again in pain. Knowing that Dan's also the victim in the story, you sling your arm around your husband and hug him tightly.

Never once has he ever mentioned Annie before...but now you know why he didn't.

"I didn't believe her about wanting bread and milk or a hotel room for the night, I fucking knew that she wanted that money for other things. I knew how much she just wanted to die." Dan inhales whilst he looks up at the ceiling, even though Annie's story hurts to tell...he doesn't stop.

"I took the blame for so many things illegal and twisted she did. I have a criminal record of a few things that she got caught for, but none of that shit was me. I did it to protect her." Dan's eyes before watery again, while you squeeze is hand.

"Even before she wanted that money for her escapism drugs...she was desperate to end her life. 'Danny, I'd do anything to make the world go away' was her infamous quote that she said daily for whatever fucked up reason. The last time we spoke...she said just that to me. I think she meant it...but I don't know," You start to heavily breathe in and out. You don't know why, but wasn't expecting such a heavy story.

From what you can make sense of the story it sounds like he loved her, but you don't care about that. Jealousy isn't your thing. You can't believe how Dan has hidden Annie from you all this time.

"Annie is the reason why I'm a fucking homeless ambassador. I don't want Annie to feel disappointed in me. Sure she hated the world and majority of the people in it, but before she became self destructive. She'd almost always give loose change to people less fortunate than her. She used to be so generous like that..." There's then total silence.

"She's was so young too. Why would she give herself so much self hate? Why would she stumble around the city with hazy zombie eyes...like it was some big joke? Why did Annie do that to herself-" you cut Dan short with a big teddy bear like hug.

Whilst hugging him, you figure out how to ask Dan a question that has spiralled around in your mind since he first mentioned her. "She was helpless. Completely alone and helpless. One of the last things I got off of her was a text wishing me a Happy New Year. She then wished me 'eternal happiness', and that I'll have a better life without her. At the end of the text...before I could call her up...she told me that she was selling her phone for dope. Her phone was all she had left over than the clothes on her back..." you close your eyes trying to visualise this poor girl, and what she must've been going through.

"Baby, is Annie...no longer with us?" Dan doesn't do or say anything. For a moment or two the silence becomes uncomfortable. He simply closes his eyes and silently regrets ever lowering his 'man guard'.

You take the silence as a yes, even though he'll probably never tell you whether Annie is actually alive or not. You look up at the ceiling with tears in your eyes, feeling oddly moved by this self destructive girl called Annie.

"Happy birthday, Annie...wherever you are." you whisper before letting out a river of tears.

"I hope you find peace."