2 Tequila Bottles

Skull Crusher

I never understood what loyalty really meant.

I used to think loyalty was to stick with someone who sticks with you.

I used to think loyalty was to defend the name of someone who defends yours.

Recently, I got the opportunity to find out what loyalty really means.

Loyalty, from what I've felt not just in my chest but in my soul, is to stick by someone who may have hurt your feelings. It sounds so cliche but to betray someone whom you're loyal to, is the worst feeling that I can imagine. You judge yourself and your actions. You beat yourself up for not being truthful.

To be loyal to someone who doesn't even know the depth of your love is to sign away your life to enslavement. You don't really know you're getting yourself into it until its too late.

Being loyal to the wrong person is tiring. You live day by day, feeding off small amounts of affection. That's how it goes. When you finally had enough you go and look for something else but nothing compares. You can't physically do it. It's the respect, the love, the commitment. You're scared because you feel like you're not going to overcome this feeling of attachment, yet if someone was to ask you, you wouldn't be afraid to tell them how you truly feel. You're only afraid of giving too much power over yourself to another person who might only use you.

Loyalty is to know when to stop yourself from making decisions that might put your relationship in jeopardy. It's to know when to say no because of the trust that person has enlisted on you. It's to walk away from situations you wouldn't want them being in.

Loyalty can be a one sided thing.

Loyalty is more about you than them, it's about your person and how you carry yourself. It's about your morals, and the emotions that they make you feel.

I've heard people say that they're loyal to themselves.

I've met people who are loyal to themselves. They worry about their own safety and well being. They are true to their beliefs and don't jeopardize their morals.

I cannot say I am loyal to myself. I wish I was but I am not.
I am sadly & utterly loyal to you.
I am loyal to the feeling I get when I am around you.
I am loyal to the sensation of fulfillment you give.
I am loyal to your touch.
I am loyal to your smell.
I am loyal to you.

If I'm here and no one else is, are you loyal to me?

-L.B.

December 19, 2018.