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Bulimia Nervosa

Bulimia Nervosa, a mental illness.

Derives from the concept of 'eating disorder'. 

Eating disorder is broken down into 3 major sections.

Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, and Obesity.

Bulimia nervosa is a mental illness. 

There are no words to describe what goes on in someones mind who suffer from this illness. There is just actions. Excessive binge eating and purging afterwards. It's a mental disease that I wouldn't wish upon anyone but burden upon myself. 

There's no real reason behind these actions. It's more about feelings and opinions. A mixture of thoughts and depression conquer your mind. Theres nothing you can really do but think it over and over again, until... You concentrate in purging. You don't have to think about anything else but that exact moment and your goal. Your world stops momentarily and you feel like you won a battle to the war that is your life. You feel like you deserve to suffer, why? The answer is simple. 

All the degrading names you once heard are in the tip of your tongue and you just want to be better. You want to get rid of them. You throw up. You try to change the way people look at you. You try to gain confidence and at the end of the day. You will always be a fat pig because those words are engraved onto your mind. Even when you're only left with skin and bones. That's all you will ever consider yourself.

Your friends make fun of what you eat for breakfast and mimic your voice. If this is how my friends see me, then how does everyone else view me?

Those might be just some of the thoughts that go on in a bulimics head. For me, it's compilations of moments in my life. 

Its fights with my parents. People leaving unexpectedly. Death. Loss. Loneliness. Not having someone to reach out to. People who make it seem like it's not a big deal, that all you need to do is eat. Keep it in. Try harder. Distract yourself. It is not that simple, this isn't algebra. They don't realize that when you're already sick any little comment or action makes a big part of your insecurities.

Life is just boring. You want to impress someone but then you give up. You psych yourself out because a guy like him will never love a girl like you. You're not beautiful. Your friends say you are because of the simple fact that they are your friends. You don't deserve to be happy. 

At least thats what you think.

- Disclaimer: I in no way, am promoting a mental disease. I'm talking about my problems anonymously. If you need help please contact the following numbers below.

Suicide Hotline: Call 1-800-273-8255

Bulimia Treatment: Call 1-882326949

Anorexia ANAD Helpline: Call 630-577-1330 

                      Hours Mon.-Fri. 9am to 5pm central.

-L.B.

Nov. 10, 2017.