2 Tequila Bottles

Ave Maria

Losing the control I had for a long time on my anxiety and depression has lost me something that I really love. 

You.

It was very fast, how the waves came... How I crashed into the phenomenal that I longed to escape. I hadn't wrote about it since 2017, yet here we are, 2 years later and I find myself in the same space I was in. 

With no one by my side this time.

High school is over, my friends are no longer mine. I've managed to fuck up my life in multiple ways, but you were something I was always happy about. 

Until the relapse came.

I had to change the beginning to the story I already told so my ending won't be the same. Nothing is ever the same though.

What one person would do for you is not what others might offer. 

You didn't offer to help me. 

You offered me space.

Which is what I might need, to concentrate on my progress instead of my demise.

I wish you were different, perhaps you'd stick by me. 

Now I just feel alone, like you're washing away from me... and there's nothing I can do about it.

So I pray again, and again. 

I am different. 

Praying for things that have no multiple solutions, delusional.

The story repeats itself, God is giving me a second chance to reclaim the narrative.

How do I get the help I need?

How do I change the story? 

How will I?

The leaves fall from the coldness or the world and seasons change but, if I fall at your feet the story will never change. 

So I sit in public places listening to Luciano Pavarotti and cry because the story will never be the same. 

I will never let myself go through another Kevin situation. 

My only regret is not have met you before so you'd be the person I reference every year and not him.