New In The Territories (Book 1) COMPLETED

Chapter 34 Sam

Vaguely remembering the ride back to Mady's, I huddled into the blanket Mason just wrapped around me before disappearing again. Mixed feelings of wanting to be alone and wanting to curl up on his lap added to the confusion in my head. How could I possibly think that poor girl was my daughter? The thought continuously knocked around in my brain. Flashes of that unknown girl lying there bent and twisted in the clearing, from my beautiful child's smile then to the last time I seen her lying lifeless in the coffin. Closing my eyes made it that much more lifelike. So cold and exhausted, shivering under the blanket I struggled to keep my eyes open, fighting the whimper lodged in my throat. Willing my brain to think of anything else. Those attempts quickly failed as my thoughts went to the peaceful woods, to red slashes of dripping blood oozing from all the trees around and not having a way out. Having a healthy imagination was not a good thing, especially right now. Jumping straight off the swing as a hand brushed against my calf, letting out between a squeal and scream.

"Shh. It's OK. It's just me," Mason's soothing voice and hands settled me back onto the swing, I cuddled up next to him.

Giving into the need for being held, I turned so we were chest to chest, holding on to him, as if he was my life preserver. Burrowing my face in the side of his neck breathing in his subtle cologne that smelled of pine and sweat, put me more at ease then I ever thought possible. As he held me tight, humming a tone I never heard, rocking us on the swing I started to cry all over again. The sense of feeling safe allowed me to let go and just feel everything even if I didn't want to. Holding me tight, rocking us back and forth while rubbing my back made me feel safe. It was that safety that allowed me to break down. Getting it all out, letting me get everything out.

As the last tear fell, my the death grip on Mason loosened. "I just want to forget. Just for a little while," muffling into his neck.

"I don't want to make this worse. Tell me what you need and want Sam. What can I do to help?" Mason said, voiced filled with emotion of concern and helplessness.

Lifting my head, he wiped away the final tear with the pad of his thumb. Closing my eyes tilting my head into his touch, I whispered, "Kiss me. Make me forget even just for a moment," I sounded more desperate than I meant too, leaning forward placing a soft kiss against his jaw.

Kissing my forehead then resting his forehead to mine. "Sam," he breathed, "I can't. Not like this."

Eyes filling up again, part due to the rejection and the other for doing something as low as to ask my friend for something so shallow.

"Don't do that," Mason said, wiping away the fresh tears, "Believe me it's not that I don't want to. You will regret it later, trust me on this OK." 

I knew he was he was right and I loved him for it. That didn't make the humiliation any less. To afraid of the sob that would slip out if I opened my mouth I nodded and held him tight. I would apologize later. Using all my concentration to listen to his breathing and heartbeat helped a lot.