Light Never Dies (II)

Chapter 22 - Empty

This world seems to only want to bring me sorrow. Every time I find something happy and joyful, some outer force had to crush it into nothing or into something damaged. It made me feel insignificant. I had all of this power but I couldn't even use an ounce of it to save anyone let alone myself. In fact, I couldn't even begin to understand how to even control it at all. I wondered for a minute if I was going to be stuck in a time loop of losing. If that happened I'm sure I'd lose my sanity after a while.

Lightning followed beside me but at a greater distance than before. She had no reason to even trust me anymore. In fact, I'm sure now that she despised me more than ever now. I didn't know what to say to her. What could I do? I didn't remember a damn thing and now all I can do is watch her suffer. This reality just wasn't fair. I had to watch Noire die, then Uni, then Neptune and Nepgear and eventually the other CPUs. Was I fated to watch Lightning die as well? I became lost in my thoughts and apparently Lightning found out and she thought it was distasteful.

"You better keep your focus or you might just wind up dead. You never know when we might be attacked so stay alert or die." She scolded.

She had no sympathy left for me anymore and even if she did, it was heavily suppressed or buried deep within her now. However, I couldn't entirely blame her either. I had practically destroyed her purpose and had rendered her hope entirely meaningless. It was probably making her second guess herself as to why she was even here or why she even spent so much time looking for me in the first place. However, in a way, she was just like me.

After the CPUs had died, I experienced a heavy amount of grief that never seemed to end. It left me scarred and it still does now. I wasn't sure it would ever go away either. Plus, now that I had gone back in time, Noire didn't remember anything or rather nothing ever happened between us to begin with. Maybe it wasn't even the same Noire anymore. I could've instead of going back in time, travelled to a different dimension entirely. In fact that made more logical sense seeing as there were gateways suddenly opening and appearing from other dimensions spontaneously as well. So technically, the Noire I love doesn't even exist anymore. So now more than ever, I felt pity and empathy for Lightning as I remembered nothing as well. Without my memories, the old me might as well be dead too.

We were getting closer to the destination that I had lied to her about. There was no goal anymore but I'm sure she caught on to that. Maybe she just knew or she didn't or that I had some other intentions. Either way she was determined to at least fulfill her promise of completing her promise with me. After that I'm not sure what would happen. She'd probably leave and I'd never see her again. I don't know if that's what I want for her though. She would either get over me and move on or her sorrow would consume her and she'd become a shell of her former self. If that ever happened and I were to hear about it or encounter her later, I would always regret not taking the chance of trying to help her sooner. After all, like I said earlier, we were like one and the same.

That night we set up camp and I didn't hear any crying in the middle of the night. However, I still wanted to make sure Lightning was ok. I opened the door to the tent but it was empty. She had disappeared. And just like Lightning, fear jolted through my nervous system because of her disappearance. Fear that I'd lose her for some reason.

I don't understand what it is. People who have only been acquainted for this short of an amount of time shouldn't feel this way. Normally I wouldn't be bothered by something like this as I wouldn't worry about someone who I wasn't very attached to or didn't know. However, I felt this invisible bond that tied me to Lightning somehow. I couldn't explain it or even begin to understand it. Maybe somehow I did remember Lightning.

After finding the tent empty I looked around for her tracks but couldn't seem to find any. So in an attempt to find her I started wandering aimlessly in the forest, but not without taking a mental note of where camp was first. After wandering for a few minutes, I heard something. It sounded like a whisper so I ran towards the source and eventually I found her. She was sitting o the face of a cliff, looking up at the stars. She was bathed in the light of the moon and I watched as she sat there and continued to talk, apparently unaware of my presence.

"I don't know what to do now. He says he doesn't remember anything. What was the purpose of me even jumping into that portal? I guess I didn't know what to expect. At first I didn't think I would even find him but now that I have, I sort of wish that I hadn't."

It hurt hearing her say these things as it appears my suspicions were completely correct. I had hurt her unknowingly but even though it was like poison to my ears, I still listened.

"I'm not even sure how to get back home even. The portal was like a one way ticket and now I'm stuck here until I can somehow find a way back. But, what purpose do I have now? He was the only thing that even came close to being my dream. I don't know what to do now Serah."

Serah. That name sounded familiar. But the more I thought about it the more my head began to hurt. However, maybe if I tried hard enough I could remember something. Just then I collapsed on the ground and lost consciousness due to the searing pain inside my head. The next thing I knew I awoke somewhere completely different and I saw a grassy meadow along with two figures. One looking just like Lightning but shorter and a little younger while the other one looked just like... me.