Love Thy Neighbor

Chapter 44

I get right to work as soon as Shawn leaves. All day I try to not think about what's happened, but it's impossible not to run through our meeting over and over in my mind. He's seen me. He knows about Lila. He still makes my heart beat fast and my tummy do flip-flops.

I can't still love him, though. He's been out of my life for years. I've moved on and built a great life. I have it all. I have a child, a house, a good job, friends. What else is there?

Okay, I know what else there is, and yes I miss it. I miss having a man in my life. I miss being loved. I miss sharing my daily life with a partner. But that doesn't mean I miss Shawn specifically, right? I just miss what he was to me. Thinking about what he was to me is dangerous. It brings up memories of a time when I was so in love with him that I thought we were going to be together for forever.

All day this runs through my head as I try to convince myself that although seeing him brought back feelings, they aren't real. Look at what happened with David...he came back into my life and I thought we had something. We didn't. It's just way too easy to get caught up in past feelings.

Once my workday is over and I feed Lila and put her to bed, I text Kendra that I have something to tell her. Five minutes later she is at my door.

"I saw Shawn," I blurt our before she's even had a chance to sit down.

"No way. Tell me!" she says excitedly.

So I tell her everything.

"Did you tell him about the envelope? How you just got it?" she asks.

"No. There just wasn't a right time to bring that up. We didn't talk about us at all. Not about our past."

"If you see him again, you have to tell him. For his sake. The poor guy thinks you stood him up," she implores.

"Maybe I would have stood him up, K. I honestly don't know. I was so hurt back then and I did everything possible to erase him from my life. Maybe I wouldn't have gone!"

Kendra reaches out for my hand. "Jess, honey, you loved this man. I think you still might. You would have gone to see him after reading that letter."

"Don't say I love him!" I hiss. "I do not want to love him!"

"I don't think you have any control over that. If you think you do, you are delusional. I gotta go. Mike was being extra flirty and I don't want him to fall asleep before I get home," she says with a wink.

The next day is one of my days off. I wanted to take Lila to the park but she seems to be coming down with a cold. She wants to be held constantly and isn't her usual happy self. I text David to let him know, and he says he'll come by if I need him to. I move her portable crib into my room for the night since she's so fussy.

I'm supposed to work on Friday, but I take a personal day since Lila's cold is now full-blown. I text Marian early in the morning and tell her to stay home. Lila is miserable by midday so I call the doctor and get her an appointment. David leaves work early and goes with us to see the pediatrician, where we find out it is an ear infection.

We're home by 6:15. I feel terrible for not knowing her ear was hurting her so badly. David is out at the store getting some groceries and Lila's prescription filled. I try to get her to eat her dinner but she refuses. She just wants to nurse, so I sit on the couch and feed her. David shows up right as she is finishing. The two of us get her to take the horrible tasting medicine and some Tylenol for the pain. We then take turns trying to calm her down.

"I'm going to take her up and give her a bath," I say. "I think it will relax her. I think the Tylenol should kick in before I am done."

"I hate to leave you with her if she's going to be this fussy. I can stay over, you know. Sleep on the couch, maybe?"

"David, that is so sweet, but I think she'll be okay. She has to be exhausted, right? I think she will sleep."

He looks relieved, and I don't really blame him. "If she's better on Sunday, I want to come for my time with her. Perri really wants to meet her. Is that okay?"

"Of course, as long as she's better."

He gives Lila a kiss on the cheek and leaves.

I give Lila a bath and sing to her in the tub. She's no longer crying, but she's not smiling, either. After her bath I put her on my bed and rub lavender lotion into her soft baby skin to relax her. I diaper and dress her and hold her in my arms as I sway back and forth. After about twenty minutes she is sound asleep. I carefully set her in the crib next to my bed and go downstairs to grab a bite to eat. After I've had some soup and salad, I get my phone out of my purse, check the front door locks, arm the security system, turn off all the lights, and go up to my bed. I am thoroughly exhausted, but I check my phone because I can't not check it.

I see that I have several texts from an unknown number.

555-555-5555: Jessica?

555-555-5555: I have no idea if this is still your number

555-555-5555: Text me back if this is you, please

Holy crap. It's Shawn. Right? Maybe not. I should not assume.

Me: This is Jessica.

Me: Who is this?

He replies immediately.

555-555-5555: Shawn

555-555-5555: I guess I'm no longer in your contacts

I add him back in my contacts, feeling a bit bad that he knows I'd removed him.

Shawn: I've been meaning to text you

Me: What's up?

Shawn: I'd like to see you and talk more. Are you free tomorrow?

Me: I have a sick baby, so I can't.

Shawn: Oh no. What's wrong?

Me: Ear infection.

Shawn: Sounds painful

Me: She's sleeping right now, which is what I need to do.

Shawn: Is it okay I texted you? Can I text you tomorrow?

Me: Yes. It's fine.

Shawn: Sweet dreams, Jess

I have no idea what to make of this.