Love Thy Neighbor

Chapter 49

Hanukkah in Canada was a whirlwind of activity. It was easier than last year, when I had just given birth and had to entertain both sets of families, but not by much.

Traveling with a baby is tough. Lila was great on the flights and slept well the whole trip. She didn't mind being passed around to various relatives constantly, but she would reach her limit and only want to be held by me.

Our first stop was Quebec. David mom's is in the midst of chemotherapy, so she cherished the time spent with her granddaughter. David's dad kept startling Lila with his loud voice, but eventually he learned to tone it down. His wife joked that it would be wonderful if he stayed that way.

Our next stop was Montreal. David stayed in Quebec with his family and I rented a car and car seat for the two and a half hour trip. It was so good to be with my family. Elsie was there for the last two days of Hanukkah and the following weekend.

Lila's first birthday was on the second to last day of Hanukkah, on a Thursday. David drove in for the day with his parents and we all celebrated together. Lila had no idea what was going on, but she loved getting to eat cake and play with the bows on the presents. That Sunday I drove back to Montreal and met David for the flight home.

So now it is the Monday after Hanukkah. Christmas is exactly one week away. Marian is watching Lila, and I am trying to get caught up on my work. I am going to try to work half days on my days off since I am quite behind. Shawn has agreed to come over and watch Lila for a couple hours on Tuesday and Thursday.

After a several hours of calculating statistical trends, I need a break.

Me: Coffee?

Shawn: At the shop near my place?

Me: Yes. Now?

Shawn: See you in 10.

I see him sitting at a table chatting with someone who has recognized him. He's gotten our coffees along with a large muffin to split. I sit and the person thanks Shawn for the pic they've just taken and leaves.

"Fan?" I ask as I take a sip of coffee.

"Yeah. My first fans are all growing up. It's weird that the young girls are now adults."

"I wonder if she recognized me."

"Who cares? My fans don't latch on to that shit like they used to. Look at the pic of Lila. A few people put together that she was the same baby from my Halloween pic, but everyone is assuming she belongs to a friend."

"Which is the truth," I say.

"Ouch. Always reminding me of that fact, eh?" he says clutching his heart.

I shrug. "When does the Mendes family descend on Brooklyn?"

"They fly in on the 22nd. They are staying until the 28th."

"I can't wait to see them!" I gush.

"You think you are excited? My mom can't stop talking about meeting Lila."

"Oh, speaking of, did you get that baby gates installed?" I ask.

"The stairs are blocked off with a
gates, all the outlets are plugged up, the kitchen cabinets have baby locks, and I bought a portable playpen type crib and a high chair."

"Oh my god, Shawn. You can't do anything halfway, can you?" I say with a laugh.

"I also bought a bunch of toys and books."

"I guess we're all set next time we get snowed in."

Shawn breaks of a piece of muffin. "I can't wait to see Lila tomorrow. I have her birthday present. Now that she says 'mama' and 'up,' it is time for her to learn to say 'Shawn.' I am going to teach her tomorrow."

Lila started saying words while we were in Canada. I think she said 'mama' out of desperation when she needed me to hold her when other people were crowding her.

"She says 'no' now, too," I tell him.

"She's clearly a baby genius," he says.

The next day I am up in my office on the third floor. I have the video monitor and enjoy watching Shawn with Lila as I work. He tries desperately to get her to say 'Shawn' but to no avail.  Eventually he gives up and plays with her with the baby tablet device he got her for her birthday. Of course it is one of the advanced expensive ones, but he insists it is all educational. After I work three hours, I go downstairs to join them for lunch.

"Your fridge is so well stocked," he says while he is looking for mayo for our sandwiches.

"My secret is that I get it all delivered. It's so much easier that way."

"My secret is that I rarely have any real food and order in all the time," he says.

"How you aren't fat is beyond me!" I tease.

We have lunch, and Shawn stays another hour while I finish something up.

Later that afternoon I'm sitting at my kitchen island having a cup of green tea while Lila is napping. I start to think about Shawn and my feelings for him.

I am so happy to have him back in my life. I'd missed him terribly. He's so easy to be around; I can always be myself. It's kind of crazy that I am my most comfortable around someone so famous, but it's true. I often forget who he is.

His relationship with Lila is growing into something really special. She adores him and the feeling is so obviously mutual.

I can't deny my attraction to him. I mean, come on. He is incredibly sexy, funny, charming, and caring. And he's more of each of these things than he was when we were together. He's just gotten better. When we're together, I sometimes wish he'd touch me. I think about him kissing me, which is both thrilling and terrifying, because I honestly don't know what I want.

Ok, that is not true. I know what I want. What I don't know is what would be best for me.

I know Shawn has feelings for me beyond friendship. He's made that clear, but he's also never once tried to alter what we have now. I think he's waiting for me.

I know I have feelings for him beyond friendship. I never got over our break-up and have never really stopped loving him. There. I admitted it.

But do I want to get back together?

There is so much at risk. If we resume our relationship and things don't work out, I will be devastated. I remember how painful the first break-up was. If I think about it, I can feel the hurt in my bones. Why would I chance that happening again?

Lila would only grow closer to Shawn if we were together. What happens to her if a person who is a major part of her life just drops out? I wouldn't be the only one having to deal with losing him; it would be her loss, too.

Kendra and I talked about this before Hanukkah. We'd been sitting up drinking a glass of wine and I'd opened up about my feelings. Her take was that getting the envelope right when he moved here was a sign. Do I believe in fate? I don't know. I want to believe, but what if never getting the envelope when I was intended to was the real act of fate? What if fate thought we should not get back together?

Kendra told me I was overthinking everything and that I need to go with my gut. She also pointed out that I haven't been with a guy in at least 15 months and maybe I should listen to that part of my body for once.

If I did that I wouldn't be sitting here drinking tea while Lila napped, that's for sure.

Author's note:

Double update just because. <3