Love Thy Neighbor

Chapter 62

The European leg of the tour concludes. Shawn is home twice between the holiday trip and when he heads off to the the west coast for the start of the North American leg.

These breaks are more like the first two. We spend lots of family time at home and make up for lost time together. Shawn and I shouldn't be overdoing it in the bedroom since he's not supposed to deplete his sperm count, so we try to pace ourselves.

After one of our allocated times together, we lay in bed enjoying the afterglow in each other's arms.

"God I miss that," he says, once he can talk again.

"Me, too," I say. "I mean, I miss everything about having you home, but that is really hard to live without."

"It's especially hard for me since I can't do anything to relieve the pressure while I am tour."

I giggle. "Dr. Woods would be so proud of you."

"It's made for an interesting tour."

"Now you have me wondering exactly how often you, um, took matters into your own hands on your other tours."

"Do you remember the sexts you'd send me when I was touring? I had to do it!"

I roll my eyes. "We broke up early in that tour."

"Yeah, but I kept all the texts and pictures for future use."

In the blink of an eye, Shawn is on the west coast. He starts in Vancouver and works his way south. He'll then head to the south west.

Lila and I have an easy flight to L.A. for our surprise visit. She naps a bit but mostly entertains herself with coloring books, crayons, and her iPad the rest of the trip. She loves it when the flight attendant brings her warm cookies and milk. I kind of like that, too.

There's a car waiting for us at LAX to take us straight to the Staples Center. Andrew and Geoff (who is Shawn's right-hand man when touring) meet us at the door and give us all access passes.

"You have two choices. You can either go in now for the tail end of the Q&A, or you can surprise him during the show. We can situate you right next to the stage so he can't miss seeing you," Geoff tells me.

"Let's go surprise him at the Q&A," I say.

The Q&A is drawing to a close. Geoff walks us in through the back door behind where Shawn is sitting.

"One last question," Shawn says, scanning the crowd.

Geoff yells out, "This young lady has a question!"

Shawn turns around as Geoff nudges Lila onto the little stage. His face lights up and he hops down, squats, and opens his arms to her.

"What's your question, cutie?" he asks her, picking her up as he stands.

"When am I going to Disneyland?"

Shawn laughs, as does the entire crowd. "In case you don't know, this is my stepdaughter, Lila. I had no idea she was showing up today! I've missed you honey!"

After the Q&A, we have a little time in Shawn's dressing room before the concert.

"...and I will meet Mickey Mouse!" Lila says, finishing her thesis on why she is excited to go to Disneyland.

"I wish I could go with you, hun. I have two radio interviews tomorrow," he says sadly.

"We knew you probably couldn't make it," I say. "It's totally okay."

"My new single drops tomorrow," he says.

I know this of course.

"And I'm debuting it live tonight."

I did not know that part.

"I can't wait to hear it," I say, scooching closer to him on the couch so we can cuddle for a few minutes.

Shawn gets ready to take the stage and Lila and I follow Geoff to our spots off to the side. I put Lila's hearing protective "earmuffs" on before the concert starts.

Shawn kicks the show off with his big hit from the new album. He then plays a few of his older songs. Next up is the new song.

"This is the first time I am performing this song live," he says. "It's actually perfect since my wife and stepdaughter are here tonight. They surprised me. Jessica and Lila, I love you both. This is for you!"

He then starts playing a rocking guitar riff. I recognize the song right away. It's called Family Man. The crowd goes nuts because the song really showcases his electric guitar expertise.

After the concert, Lila falls asleep as I carry her to Shawn's dressing room. She'd eaten chicken fingers the crew brought her during the show, so I knew her tummy is full and she is down for the night.

We make our way to the limo and go straight to the hotel. I put Lila on the cot Andrew had the hotel staff send in. Obviously we're not fooling around with Lila in the room, but we snuggle up in bed and talk quietly.

"Tonight was the highlight of my tour," Shawn whispers to me.

"You were amazing on stage, Shawn. I'm so proud of you."

This may sound crazy, but in our day to day lives, it's not like I'm married to a music superstar. Yeah, Shawn works on his music and has plenty of commitments, but he is so grounded and normal at home. He's almost ordinary, except for the fact that he's not. He's extraordinary. What I mean is that he leads a fairly ordinary life.

"I've been thinking," he says.

"That's a good thing to do," I joke.

"Funny girl. No, but I have been thinking, and I think I am going to take 18 months off after the tour."

"That's a really long time," I say. "You don't have to do that for us."

"I'll write, and I might do festivals and random pop-up concerts here and there. It's not like I am retiring."

"But?"

"But I want to mainly be a dad and a husband."

I love that he uses the term dad, because he is a dad to Lila. She has two dads. David is her actual dad and a wonderful father. Shawn is her bonus dad. He has to call himself her stepdad publicly, though, because as good as his relationship with David is, he would never be okay with Shawn using the term dad in conjunction with Delilah.

"I've been thinking, too," I say.

"Tell me."

"I think we should consider some other options for a baby. We could adopt, but I think the better solution would be to go to a sperm bank. We can hand select a great donor."

Shawn is quiet.

"What did you think?" I ask.

He sighs and sits up in the bed. "I hate it, but I know it might be necessary if we want a baby. I have given this thought, too."

"I don't want to do anything you hate," I say gently.

"I hate that even though I know I will love any baby in our family, because look at how much I love Lila, I am never going to have a child of my own. What I hate most is that I failed you as a husband in the most basic way."

I look up at him and see that there are tears on his cheeks.

"Shawn Mendes, you have never failed me as a husband. You are the best man I have ever met. You are so good to me and Lila; you always put us first. I am thankful for you every single day of my life. I wake up in the morning happy because you are my husband. Even these last few months when you have been gone, I can handle you being away because I know you will be back, and that each time you come back we are stronger together. Don't you ever say anything like that again."

Shawn pulls me into his arms. "I love you so much, Jess. After the tour let's move forward with a donor. All that matters is that we end up with a baby."