sworn to silence → lashton ✓

five

Luke's POV

Worthless...you're so worthless Luke.

You're fat too, even Ryan thinks you're fat. 

No one likes you Luke, not Michael or Calum, especially not Ashton. Why would he like you? You're so stupid and ugly, he'd never like you. Stop deluding yourself, it'd just be easier if you were dead, it's not like anyone would care anyway. You're not worth their tears.

Were the thoughts that drifted around my head, sometimes it felt like they were all I could hear and sometimes I gave into them just to get them to stop. They were also a big reason as to why I self-harm, it was a way to relieve the tension and to just get the thoughts to stop for a bit, to just give me a break.

I didn't necessarily want people to see the marks though, I know what kind of negative attention they'd bring, Ryan had reminded me of that. 

Closing my eyes and letting out a shaky breath, I allowed the tears to stream down my face. I had made a few more marks to my wrist and it hurt like hell, but not as much as those thoughts, the emotional pain was worse than the physical. 

After rinsing the fresh wounds, I wrapped my wrists with a bandage and gauze before moving my gaze to look at myself in the mirror. I was a mess, my eyes were puffy and red from crying, and my hair was dishevelled from tugging at it in frustration and anger; mostly anger at myself. 

Letting out another deep sigh, I sorted my hair out and pulled down the sleeves of my shirt. I was supposed to be heading to a party that Calum had invited me but I honestly didn't feel like it. I wasn't in a fit mental state to want to socialise, especially because I just felt like I was going to be miserable and they wouldn't want me there anyway because I was just going to be awkward and uncomfortable. And as if I already wasn't reluctant to go, Ryan was going to be there, who obviously wasn't someone I wanted to be around whilst drunk. 

The only upside to the party was Ashton, he's that fun kind of drunk and I always enjoyed the fact he basically just ends up laughing and hugging me a lot. It was nice to see him so happy and it actually made me feel like he wanted me around when he was like that.

Knocking on my house door broke me from my thoughts, I checked myself in the mirror again to see remnants of my tears but it was barely noticeable. Rushing to the door, I opened it to see Calum and Michael stood there dressed up for the party, wide smiles on their faces.

"Hey, Luke" Calum greeted, "You ready to go?"

Biting my lip, I felt almost guilty asking but thought I should try anyway, "Do I have to? I'm not really feeling well." I said, genuinely not wanting to spend time with anyone tonight. 

Calum tugged on my arm to pull me out of my house, "You have to come, it'd be no fun without you." Michael shut the door behind me.

"There's no need to pull, Cal." I said, detaching myself from him, "Where's Ashton?" I questioned, noticing that he wasn't there.

"He's going to meet us there, don't worry Lukey." I cringed at the nickname, Calum always made it sound as though I was a child when he said it.

"Come on, let's got party!" Michael shouted after pushing me and Calum apart.

Michael was so going to get pissed tonight.

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I was stood awkwardly alone in the corner of the living room, Michael and Calum having ditched me not long after we'd got here. I'd spotted Ryan around a few times, but he thankfully hadn't made any move to come talk to me, he clearly wasn't drunk enough. Ashton, however, was plenty drunk.

"Luke." Ashton whined as he approached me, he was stumbling and so I moved to grip hold of him around his waist. I helped him sit down on the couch nearby, but he was quick to wrap his arms around my neck and pull me down next to him.

Laughing, I turned my face towards him but my breath caught in my throat when I noticed his was inches from my face, "Ash, what are you doing?" I asked, and he laughed before moving his head back on the couch to look at me.

"You got pretty eyes, Luke." Ashton said and I couldn't help but blush, "And that lip ring is so hot." He continued and the warmth in my cheeks was ever increasing. 

Looking down at my lap, I just said, "Ash, you'r drunk." 

A hand suddenly touched my face, causing me to look up at Ashton, his palm rested against my cheek, "I may be drunk, but I'm not drunk enough to fake feelings for you, just enough for me to have the courage to say I like you." 

My eyes widened at his drunk confession, "Y-you can't like me." I replied, shocked that anyone, let alone Ashton would said that to me. 

His expression seemed to soften, "I can and I do, I like you, please tell me you feel the same." 

Seeing the hopeful look in his eye was what convinced me, he looked genuine, and so I said, "I-I like you too." 

The smile that formed on his lips warmed my heart, it was a genuine and excited smile, and it felt amazing that I was the reasoning for it. I'd been pining for Ashton for some time so for him to just come out and say he liked me felt so good, especially since I'd been feel so bad for so long. 

"Can I kiss you?" He then asked, a more nervous expression on his face. 

When I nodded, he started to slowly lean in until our lips touched, his lips soft and gently; a harsh contrast to Ryan. Ashton pulled away after a few moments, the blush still evident on my cheeks and there was now a light pink tinge on his cheeks. 

"You're cute." He complimented and I bit my lip, looking down at my lap again, "I'm gonna go get us some more drinks, stay here?" Ashton said and I nodded before he leaned down to kiss me again. 

I didn't even try to hide my smile as Ashton slipped off to the kitchen, I didn't care how weird it looked to anyone else, because I genuinely felt happy in that moment. 

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A/N: So, chapter 5 is done and I would like to say a massive thank you to everyone who is voting and commenting on this because honestly, I find it ridiculous. I even have a rating now thanks to you guys, this story is 989 in fanfiction and although that's quite a high number, I just want to thank you for even managing to get it rated, that's honestly amazing.

I decided to have a bit of a happier chapter today because they've all been sad. I hope I didn't rush the whole Ashton and Luke thing but if I do the rest of the story right, it won't matter that it's this early.

Goal: 20 – 25 votes and 10 comments xx Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it x