Forgotten Hallucinations

-13: Pasts and Teacher-

Scarlet's POV

You are nothing.
Let me help you become something. Something everyone will see....

"Something everyone will see..." I repeat to myself. What does that mean?

Dinosaur by Akdong Musician plays in the background. Such nice tune, seems lively and soothing. But the best part is,

I can't understand a word they are saying. Sarcasm and no sarcasm. I really do enjoy not knowing what they are saying but I also really want to know. Just like my life...

What is wrong with me? Almost on a daily basis, I either write a small phrase to myself and think of one. Today, I found myself sitting at a desk in the corner of the bedroom, with a blank paper and pen.

"Empty Thoughts for the day," I wrote.

'Awake, you are
Waiting
Hoping
Watching
Maybe I'll say something
Maybe I'll know
Maybe I'll understand

Maybe I will stop lying to myself
Maybe I won't
I'm not sure about anything anymore.

Caught one
Used and energetic
But too empty to move
Was there a reason?

A reason to feel so confused about whether I'm only moving through the motions, acting perfectly fine.

Am I overreacting?
If so, no intentionally.'

I let out a sigh and put down the pen, crumbling the paper after. There is not meaning behind these words. Not that I know of. There maybe. I'm not sure as I said.

I said I don't lie but I did earlier. Was it an okay lie? No lie is okay.... But it happened. Just like every other thing happened....

Stop acting...

"Shut up...." I said.

It doesn't matter...

The sound of rainfall fills the gloomy room. It would be nice to go out and sit in the rain. That feeling. Drops landing on every inch of the pale, empty body hoping to be filled in some way or form. Gliding down, mixing with the tears, sweat and blood, if there is any left.

This life is too long, yet so short. I was unable to enjoy the beginning of my own. I don't know why for sure or what I did wrong. I was victimized by my dad, "friends", classmates, teachers, strangers. The most painful would be teachers. I got use to my dad since he was the only one I had, but the teachers... they were suppose to help or do something. At least consult me.

No. The females didn't care, the males approached me. I was used half the times.

The pains began to fade as times went by. At some point, I didn't even fight back, until I learned I had the option to. They were all so cruel.

Except for one.

Even though he knew and didn't do anything, he was always nice to me, offered to explain things to me and didn't try to approach me. He was young too. He come from another country, spoke fluently though. After something happened between me and a teacher, he always seemed to be around the corner to take me somewhere to eat and talk about something.

The other teachers didn't seem to like him because of that.

Sometimes he even brought me to his house. I found refuge there. At the latest hour of the night, he would still let me in to stay till morning. I found the motivation stay in school from him. To stay alive because of him...