I Don't Understand...

Words Cut Deeper than a Knife

'God, I feel like I do nothing these days.'

'Not like anyone will give me the time of day.'

'Why would they....'

'I wouldn't'

'I don't'

Shaking away the intrusive thoughts, I pick up the pace, heading towards the control room. Allura had asked everyone to head there, something about a mission. As I approach the door I hear laughter coming from inside and peak my head in.

All gathered in a circle are my teammates laughing at a joke Pidge made.

'If I had made a joke I would have been told to shut up...'

When I finally step through the door way, all traces of joy leaves the room.

"Nice of you to fucking show up."

I look down ashamed.

I stopped fighting back a long time ago, it just made him angrier, and his words more piercing.

I hear Shiro sigh,

"Lance you gotta be on time for these things. We weren't able to start on time because you were late."

Disappointment practically dripped from his words, but I am used to it. Its always there when he's talking to me.

Allura clears her throat, "Alright paladins, now that you're all here I'll brief you on your mission. You all will be infiltrating a Control Center in the Beta Traz quadrant. Your job is to get the Intel we need and get out."

"Do we have to bring Lance on this mission?" Keith asks, "He'll just find a way to fuck it up."

"I agree with Keith on this one princess, Lance never takes anything seriously."

I look over at Pidge shocked. First Keith now her?

Hunk finally pipes up, "No we need Lance, he provides cover fire for us so we don't get ambushed from behind."

"That's enough paladins," Allura sighs, "As much as it pains me to put him on this mission we need all the lions incase of an emergency."

My heart shatters at that statement. So this is how they really feel.

Hunk immediately pipes up.

"Hey that's no-"

"No Hunk they're right. I am not a great paladin, they should be hesitant about putting me on the battle field. I could get one of you'll killed."

I look the princess straight in the eye, "I promise I will do my best not to drag the team down any further."

"Good," she says. Turning to the rest of the paladins she says, "Suit up, you leave in 30 quintents."

As I am walking down the hall towards my room I suddenly find myself unable to breathe and shoved up against the wall.

I look up shocked and fearful. Keith has me pinned to the wall, hand wrapped around my neck. He looks at me with uncontrolled fury in his eyes.

"I swear, if you fuck up this mission, I'll make you wish that you never left Cuba. Got that cargo pilot?"

I nod my head rapidly, tears gathering in my eyes as black spots dance in my vision.

"Good."

He drops me and walks down the hall like he didn't just choke me out. I suck air into my deprived lungs. Shakily, I stand and limp towards my room.

As soon as the door shuts, I slide to the floor in relief and anguish.

'I have a feeling that this mission isn't going to go as planned...'