If I Can't Have You... (An EXO fan fiction)

Chapter Fifteen

During the walk, I contemplate by myself. Why did I always turn into a mute when I encountered Suho but I was a chatterbox with Kyungsoo? I was comfortable with the both of them, but with Suho I was afraid of my own words. My whole action towards him felt involuntary. Like I didn't want things to happen but it did happen. I scratched my head at the equation. I'd decided to push back all feelings and emotions. I wanted to be stricter with myself this time.

The indoors theme park looked very magical, with the colorful lights and the cheerful music. It was a fantastic view. It wasn't even that dark outside and they turned all the lights on. We hurried to Flume Ride and I heard there would be splashing and there's a huge odd that you'll get wet. Or at least your clothes would.

The boat could only fit three people so Kai, Suho and I volunteered to go first. I hopped into the second row and Suho sat beside me. I'd decided to not avoid him and just act normal. Like nothing happened earlier.

Like he never leaned on me.

Like I never touched his face.

All of us were full of anticipation during the whole ride, and as we ascended to the highest peak, suddenly I felt something on top of my hand, which was grabbing the bar as hardly as I could. My eyes were kept close but I peeked to see what it was, and it was Suho's hand. I didn't know if he did it on purpose or he was genuinely scared but I didn't push away his hand. I pretended it never happened.

The whole cart was dropped and the three of us yelled with anticipation, but the track wasn't that long so the ride ended quite quickly, resulting in us three almost soaking wet. It wasn't that splashing but we got the point.

The rest went on the ride as we waited for their turn to end. Kai went to look around the indoor park. And that left me and Suho alone again.

I really hated the awkward situation. I wanted to scream out. All the things I wanted to say to him comfortably, all the things I wanted to enjoy with him today, why can't they just flow like the river? I hit my head on the stone pillar slowly.

"Hey are you alright? Don't hit yourself up.", he looked at me with concern, as if I'd lost my mind.

"Don't mind me.", I waved him off as I continued torturing myself.

"How can I not mind? I don't want you getting hurt or anything.", he said as he looked away from me. He said those last words as a mumble but I heard every word clearly.

"Why? Why do you care about me? What is so special about me?", I wanted to praise myself for being so brazen. I literally questioned his judgement and again, I spoke involuntarily. Everything I did when I was with him, I never intended myself.

He looked speechless but our faces met. The corner of his mouth twitched as he was about to say something but instead, he made a move. He encircled both of his arms around my waist as he pulled me closer.

"I don't understand why.....because words fail to explain. But does this answer your question?", he smirked at me. I was petrified by his action. This was all I could be around him. My ear was directly to his chest and I could feel his heartbeat speeding up.

Could I follow my instincts? Could I just act carelessly? I couldn't decide. My heart was beating fast too but something wasn't right. It was like my head told me no, but my heart said go for it.

He let go of me after he heard the cart was approaching us slowly. The thought struck me. He didn't want his fellow members to know that we were involved in something? Why? After all the sweet things he said to me, all the romantic stuff he did to make my heart flutter, what was his aim in doing so? I wanted an explanation but apparently 'words fail to explain'.