If I Can't Have You... (An EXO fan fiction)

Chapter Twenty Three

I opened my eyes and the sun shone through the windows into my eyes. My eyes squinted at the glimmering light. I checked my phone on the bedside. It was 7.12 a.m. My biological clock still functioned well even though I was hospitalized.

I sat up from the bed, stretched out my body and I found Suho sleeping on my bed. He was sitting on a stool, his head resting on the bedside, supported by both of his arms. The sight of him took me back to the night before.

"I still love you."

The words echoed in my ears. After that, my world went silent. I zoned out voluntarily, I covered my ears with my fingers. I couldn't hear any noise. I shut my eyes, tight. I was afraid of his response.

I was a coward.

I reached out to touch his face. He looked tired and his body must've ached from sleeping that position for such a long period.

As my fingers arrived at his cheeks, I felt a jolt of electricity. I kept denying the feeling, but my body couldn't lie.

"Why, Junmyeon?", I whispered at him, "why are you doing this?".

I pulled away from him and tried to move my leg. It wasn't hurting like yesterday anymore. I pressed the bell and hoped that other nurse would tend to me, not Eunha again. Honestly, I couldn't imagine how to encounter her with a straight face.

Luckily, it was a different nurse, so she noticed I was awake and she phoned Doctor Baek for me, as he promised. The nurse refilled my IV bag and informed me that my breakfast would be sent up to my room in a few minutes. After having my meal, she would return to give me my antibiotic shot. I bowed to thank her for her assistance.

After the nurse left, Suho was shuffling in his position and I sat up straight immediately. I brushed my hair with my fingers and wiped off the sleep from my face. He looked up at me and I caught a glimpse of his morning face.

God help me.

"Good morning, sunshine. You wake up so early.", he smiled, still sleepy-eyed.

"Yeah, it's a habit.", I murmured as I suddenly got intrigued by my nail beds.

"Did you sleep well? Any bad dreams?", he got up from his seat and he started to stretch. I felt bad because his body must felt stiff.

"No, it was pleasant.", I half-lied. How could I sleep pleasantly if the last words I heard was a confession from an ex-girlfriend? I shook off the negative thought immediately.

After he stretched, he looked at me and he noticed that I was still averting eye contact with him. He sat beside me and we were both in the same eye-level.

"Are you still mad at me? If you are, I'll just get lost.", his tone sounded desperate. I didn't know what to do at the moment. I wanted him to stay, but my pride wouldn't let me say so.

"I'm not mad at you.", I squeaked out. He looked at me with disbelief but his expression was always soft. He looked at me with tenderness.

"Just tell me, Soojin. I want you to feel comfortable talking to me too, just like you did with Kyungsoo.", his hand slowly crept to the top of my hand. His palm sent electric pulse throughout my whole body and I wanted to hold his hand back. But those words echoed in my head.

"I still love you."

"Suho...please, don't.", I pulled back my hand from his.

"Why are you calling me Suho? You call other members by their real names, not their stage names.", his brows furrowed, "and why can't I hold your hand, Soojin? Is it wrong to do so?", he was trying to be patient with me, I could hear tension in every word he uttered.