If I Can't Have You... (An EXO fan fiction)

Chapter Twenty Four

I dazed out the whole day. Even when people tried to have a conversation with me, I ignored them most of the time. They had to repeat their question another time for it to enter my brain.

Was Suho really mad at me? Would he avoid me from now on? Had I really messed up this time? Did he really mean it when he said he'll get lost?

Why did the regret started flowing in my veins? I rewinded the moment I said those vicious words at him, and I wanted to bury myself into the earth. I wished I would've thought twice before spouting off my stupidity. I wished I would've just been honest with him. I wished I had the courage to be honest with him.

I wished he would return.

Remembering the way Eunha smiled when she was on the phone with Suho ripped my heart to pieces. Was he agreeing to meet her outside the hospital, so he wouldn't cross paths with me? He would take such measures just to avoid me? Thinking more about the dire situation started to jerk my tears but I held them back.

I made a decision and this was the consequence. I had to live with it, even if I had to suffer because of it.

Even if I deny the feeling, it was slowly emerging from within. Buried within denials, ignorance and nonchalance, it was slowly making its way up. And I had no more resistance within me. I should probably anticipate its positioning in my heartframe.

I checked the time and it was 10 p.m. I reopened the message I sent him and it was still on 'read'. I refreshed the page, I restarted my phone, I reconnected to the Wi-Fi, in case the message failed to come into my inbox but my efforts were fruitless. I had to face the music. He made up his mind.

Congratulations, Hae Soojin. You took someone for granted and now, you have to pay the price.

I scoffed sarcastically at my demise. Just as I was about to set my phone back to my bedside, a soft knock was on the door.

"Hello.", Kyungsoo's face appeared and I smiled instantly. At least I didn't have to spend the night alone and being depressed.

"Oh, you're here? Come sit!", I waved for him to take a spot beside me.

"Sorry I was late. We had a pre-recording for Unfair in Music Bank.", he was still sweating and still in makeup.

"Omo, you rushed from your workplace to here. You shouldn't have...I feel bad for making you come here.", I grabbed a small facial towel and wiped his sweat from his forehead.

"Ah it's no problem at all. The guys said hi to you, by the way.", he said as he took out his belongings. He took out a pack of facial cottons, Q-tips, a makeup remover, phone charger and his hairband.

"The guys? They knew you were staying here?", I lighted up at the fact. Did Suho know too? And he was okay with it?

It got me thinking, Suho had to sneak out to stay over, but Kyungsoo told the members explicitly. As if he wasn't afraid to let the members know that he cared. He wasn't afraid to express his emotions. Was Suho?

I shook off his image from my mind. I'd decided to embrace his absence and just distract my mind from anything and anyone related to him. Including Eunha.

"Yeah, they knew. They wanted to visit too, but I urged them to go home first. They looked tired.", he started pouring the makeup remover onto a piece of cotton.

"Oh my, don't even think about coming here. I don't want to burden you guys, ever! And you mister.", I grasped the cotton before he started dabbing it on his face, "should get a good rest instead of coming here. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Besides, I'm leaving tomorrow."