A Year Without Snow

-3-

Thursday, 5th August 2004

Already inside town, my mum had to stop twice to ask directions to my grandmother's house. After countless turns, followed by my mum's cursing, we finally entered a large street.

Both sides of the road were packed with big family cars. The houses were stationed a few meters apart from each other, each one painted with dark colors, some were moss green, others grey and some colored with the color of wine. Big white windows covered the walls, and large brown doors stood on the porches. Here the decoration differed, most porches were packed with plants, others had benches, and the American flag, while others were loaded with children's toys and bicycles. Small four-steps staircases, made of stone, were placed in front of the porches, leading to grey pathways, all of those meeting in an also grey communal sidewalk. Some of the watering systems of the houses were on, and in a lawn, two little boys were half-naked jumping in the grass, completely wet. My little heart gave a jealous jump, I wished I had siblings with who I could play with and especially with who I could talk with when mum and dad got mad at each other. And that was how I, only five years old, understood what loneliness was.

Only a small fraction of the blue sky could be seen, where the trees on either side of the road met, right above our heads.

My mum slew down, looking attentively at each house, a sad expression covering her face, this street symbolized all we had never have, a big house and a stable family.

The slow driving finally came to a stop, and my mum parked the blue car on the left side of the road in front of a dark green painted house. In front of it laid a neat shiny green lawn and a big and fluffy white dog was resting in the tan painted porch.

"Your father grew up here." My mum informed me a sarcastic smile playing on her lips. "The American dream."

She then got out of the car and stretched her arms. I followed her, leaving the car and walking along to the big path that laid in front of us.

"Come," She said looking down at me and stretching out her hand for me to hold. I abruptly looked away and crossed my arms over my chest, "Alright." She simply added while taking a deep breath and starting to walk alone.

As we made our way up to the small staircase, my mum held her hands nervously in front of her. Now standing on the porch I noticed once again the big dog, I knelt beside it and started to caress its head.

I watched my mum, as she hesitantly rang the bell and quickly took two steps back as if regretting the whole trip up here. But it was too late, footsteps sounded from inside of the house. I watched her more attentively and little did I knew, that never in my whole life would I forget that expression of pure fear, in my thirty-one-years old mother's face.

After a few moments the door opened and a brunette woman appeared from behind it. She had a petite figure, her brown hair was flawlessly styled and rested just above her shoulders, she wore a blue oxford shirt, that hugged her skinny waist, a pair of beige pixie pants and boat shoes. The skin around her eyes was wrinkled, and deep lines appeared on the corners of her mouth. She wasn't young, but as I looked at my grandmother for the first time I could feel a young and juvenile aura radiating out of her.

She confusedly looked at my mother for a brief second, and then a light of enlightenment flashed across her face, and a knowing and emotional look took over her expression as she took a step closer to where my mum stood.

"Laura..." She whispered my mum's name and opened her skinny arms, hugging my mum. The younger blonde woman was a little taller than the brunette one, and she kept her arms loose on each side of her not returning the hug. But her face was washed with an expression of relief, nothing like the troubled one she had worn the last few days.

"Audrey... I- I don't know how to explain- Something happened with Ian, and I... I had no-" My mum tried to explain, but her voice kept failing her as tears covered her pale cheeks.

"It's okay, Laura. It's okay." The older women assured her while trying to wipe the tears from my mum's face with her manicured hands.

My mum simply nodded, not able to get any more words out of her mouth, and then it was her turn to hug the other women, and as she did I realized that it was not a cry for help, but for comfort, something that life had never given her, but that my grandmother was now offering.

"Where is she? Laura... Did Daisy stay with him?" My grandmother asked, now an agitation and worry taking over her expression, as she looked at the parking lot over my mum's shoulder, looking for me.

"Dais- Daisy, get up from the floor." My mum managed to say looking at me.

My grandmother swiftly turned to face me, now tears overflowing her own brown eyes as she kneeled next to me and put a hand on my small shoulder.

"Oh, Daisy. Oh my! You've grown so much!" She exclaimed, wiping now one of her own tears. "The last time I saw you were just the size of my arm."

She passed one hand through my hair and examined my face as if searching for something or someone in me. I looked at the dog, shyly, not meeting her eyes.

"His name is Zeus." She told me not looking at the dog, but straitly at me, tears still falling down her face.

"Oh look at us. Here outside! Let's go inside." She said while standing up, wiping once more her tears, and offering me a hand to stand up, which I took.

She opened the door and gestured for us to get in. We passed the doorway and entered in a big living room. The walls were filled with shelves and packed with pictures and books. Two big green couches were placed in the center, in front of it laid a big grey television and a fireplace, on the other side of the division was a dining table made of glass. At our right stood a staircase that led upstairs, and right in front of us a big arch that showed a fraction of the kitchen's white counter.

"Now come, sit. We have much to talk about." My grandmother Audrey said gesturing to the couches. "But first let me make some tea."

As I looked around the comfortable and warm surroundings, the colors green and yellow flashing out, I felt an uncontrollable sense of happiness and familiarness. I still missed home and my dad, but this big house and the nice lady that lived in it, would soon take the place of that other country and of the man that was her only son.

I had finally arrived at the house that would serve as my definition of home for many and many years to come.