A Year Without Snow

-35-

Monday, 9th January 2017

We had come back to school and everyone was acting strange, to say the least. My friends, the only ones I had left, were once again walking on eggshells around me. Scar and Dallas are the worse of them all. They had stopped talking to Grace, out of respect for me, which I don't know if I should feel thankful for. As a matter of fact, I was finding it very difficult to understand what I should actually feel. Betrayed? Jealous? Sad? Mad? I guess I was feeling all of those, but one stood out dramatically. I wasn't simply mad, I was furious. With everything really. With Dallas for talking to me like I was six years old and for always asking me if I was hungry. With Scar for always talking shit about Grace whenever we were together, and for constantly asking me if I wanted to talk. With Lucas for being dangerously afraid to talk to me and even look me in the eyes. With Carson for rolling his eyes every time he walked by me. With Dylan for existing.

And with Grace for breaking my heart. And with myself for letting Bryson break it for the second time.

The only person I really felt good being around was Sofia. She didn't mention the B and G word. And she was fun and genuinely a good person to be around.

"So have you thought to which colleges you're applying?" Sofia asked as she gave a bite of her apple.

"I don't know honestly. It's something so big that I'm just too afraid to fuck it up." I said as we entered Mr. Thompson's classroom.

"My only fear is to not make any friends, really," Sofia confessed as we sat down in our seats.

"That won't happen, Sof," I assured her.

"Oh, I'm not so sure. I never had many friends here either."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I started dating Josh in seventh grade, and since then, well... I kinda off got lost in the friend's department."

"Lost?"

"Yes, I relied solely on him, and sort off tuned off everyone." She said as she took off her notebook. "I just don't want that to happen again."

"Well, but look at how you got to meet so many people this year," I said.

"I know. Maybe because he went to college."

"Josh?"

"Yes. I don't know."

"But he didn't let you have friends, or-"

"Oh! No! None of that!" She exclaimed. "I just felt alone and somehow pushed myself to get involved in stuff, like working on Zeus and stuff."

"But you and Josh are still together, right?"

"Yes, " She said and smiled down at the table.

"Where is he studying?"

"NYU." She answered. "I'm definitely applying, just not so sure I can get in."

"New York?"

"Well, the last time I checked." Sofia laughed.

"Hadn't thought of that," I said. "I do love New York."

"Are you applying too?!" Sofia excitedly asked.

"Well, I might."

"How awesome it would be if we both got in!" She exclaimed.

And it did leave me to wonder. It would be good to go to New York, a big city where nobody knew me, where I could have this fresh start that I craved and needed. And it definitely would be great to have Sofia by my side. She represented a clean and non-toxic part of my life, someone who hadn't witnessed how my life was all those months ago, and especially someone who hadn't seen how big of a turn my personality had taken.