A Year Without Snow

-36-

Monday, 30th November 2015

"I'm not sure..."

"Daisy. You're overeating."

"I'm not. I simply don't feel like going."

"Okay, give me a logical explanation why."

"Because I feel like it's a place for older people- like your sister."

"Daisy. We're juniors, we're 16 years old, for God's sake."

"Exactly."

"Bianca started going out in eighth grade. I think we're fine." Bryson assured me.

It was a Friday night, we were sitting on Bryson's basement couch waiting for his Mom to call us to dinner.

"Besides, everybody we know is gonna be there."

"Grace isn't."

"Well, Grace is a special matter." He said while laughing. "I don't get what the problem is."

"None. It's okay, I don't mind going."

The truth was that I actually didn't know what I was so unsure about. Maybe I felt like we were stepping into a new phase of teenagehood. Nonetheless, I ignored the thought and the feeling of unsteadiness. I had been doing a lot of that lately, unpleasant thoughts running through my mind and waves of anxiety pouring in. When it became too much I pictured an imaginary hand in my mind grabbing the bad thoughts and tossing them out of my brain. The topics varied. A lot of them involved my father. Some of them are my mother and her mood swings. And occasionally Bryson.

The logical answer to my problem with going would be the fear of growing up. It wasn't a secret to anyone that those Fridays spent at Bryson's were the best part of my week. I was terrified of losing that habit. We saw each other in normal amounts throughout the week, mainly because we were hanging out more often with our group, and by the time we got home it was dinner time.

But we went anyway.

On Friday night, at ten PM, we arrived at the so-called Barrinel, which was basically a piece of land in the middle of a forest.

The scene was covered with seniors and juniors and a couple of people from our year.

I saw Jack first. He was already looking at me.

I did know he liked me, for much that I liked to ignore it. It wasn't that I disliked him, even if romantically. I simply didn't know what I felt. And I really didn't want to know.

He made his way to me and Bryson, and happily exclaimed, "You came!"

And Bryson answered, "Yes I did, happy you're glad to see me!"

"I was talking to Daisy." He said with a shy smile.

"Don't tell me." Bryson sarcastically said and walked away leaving me alone with Jack.

"Is he okay?" He asked me as we made our way to the drinks stand.

"Who knows?" I simply answered.

We arrived at the drink table and Dylan filled two cups as we stood in silence, I waited for him to say something, but at some point, I decided to talk not being able to take any more awkwardness.

"So you come here often, don't you?"

"I sometimes... I mean not a lot." He said seeming suddenly alarmed, "You know the normal amount!" He finally exclaimed, looking happy with his answer.

"Oh okay. It's my first time here actually."

"Yes I know, that's why I wanted to show you the most amazing drink Barrinel has to offer!" Jack said happily still not meeting my eyes as he raised a bottle with a pink liquid on the inside.

"Oh no, I don't want to," I explained giving him a sympathetic smile.

"Really? But... But look it's not really that strong. Besides, it's really sweet!" He said and raised the cup to my hands.

I pondered for a bit and finally said, "But only one sip."

And so I drank. By the time I had finished the cup I was laughing happily with Jack, and I didn't even know what it was about.

We walked around the fire and I saw Bryson give me a side look as he talked with some of his mates from the basketball team.

"So... What's the deal with Bryson?" Jack asked me.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"He seems upset with me lately." He said.

"I don't think so."

"I think it has something to do with you," Jack noted as he took a sip from his drink, a rather big sip for that matter. "He thinks I'm gonna steal you, or something."

"Steal me?" I laughed, "I'm not anyone's to steal."

"I don't mean it romantically." He added as he looked sideways at Bryson. "Like I'm taking his best friend away from him."

"I don't think so. Bryson isn't that possessive." I said, but not completely sure of my words. Bryson did seem to have a problem with my friendship with Jack, or the fact that the latter boy wanted more. But he must have known that I simply wouldn't replace him.

"Sure he isn't possessive. But if I had a best friend like you I would be afraid to lose her too." He stated, but I kept quiet, as I finished my drink in one gulp, unsure of what to say. Jack soon filled in the silence. "But that's all, isn't it? Best friend- only friends?"

"Oh my God, yes. Everyone is asking me that later." And of those words, I was completely sure.

"And since you're both straight it's just weird. You're straight, right?"

"Geez Jack, big ass questioning. Yes, I'm straight, at least I think so."

He didn't press on the subject and I tried not to analyze his interest in my romantic endeavors, even though I knew what it was about. I refilled my cup once again and tried to look for a familiar face even though all I saw were seniors. Jack kept the conversation alive by making a lot of questions to which I began giving small answers, but just as my cup began to empty my answers became longer and longer, until I had no idea what we were talking about.

We started moving away from the bonfire taking the bottle with us.

"Is it the first time you're drinking?" Jack asked.

"What? No!" I lied, I didn't want to look like some little girl who had always been afraid to come to a party.

"Great, 'cuz if it was you would be completely hammered with three cups of that." He said pointing to my cup.

We sat down on a big rock as I tried with all my might not to fall. I kept looking for Bryson or Scar, but now with less intensity as the dizziness washed over my body.

Jack moved closer to me, our legs touching. Once again I tried not to think much of it. He started mentioning elementary and our time spent together, whilst looking at my lips. I stood there and froze as I finished my cup and he refilled it once again.

He moved in closer and kissed me.

That night I had my first kiss, which I remember almost nothing of.

Bryson found us a few moments later but I told him nothing of what had happened, nor did I intend to.

He scolded me for having drunk so much and for letting him out of my sight. But I knew he was actually telling me off from having spent the night with Jack.

But I didn't think much of it.