A Year Without Snow

-33-

Sunday, 1st  January 2017

The first thought that ran through my mind was: how much can I take? Every time I tried to take one sted forward life pushed me two steps back. The overwhelming feeling of being trapped, inside a box, looking at the outside, seeing life slowly tear me apart and feeling completely powerless, incapable of changing anything. So I couldn't help but think, how much can I take?

The first feeling was confusion. Between the clutter of the party and what was happening in front of my eyes, it took a minute for my brain to process what was going on. Then denial came in. After all, something couldn't be going on between those two people. But then everything became clearer, as I let it become a possibility. I let the thought of Bryson and Grace wash over me. She always liked him when we were growing up, even though I always thought it was more in a friendly way, or maybe an attempt to become straight. And then the sexuality matter came along.

Our whole conversation. It wasn't a coming out, it was her asking me permission to date Bryson. The consistent apologizing,

"At first, I thought I could stop it, you know, and try to change how felt. But then I realized that thoughts and feelings are a difficult thing to control.".

"I thought you wouldn't understand."

It was all for me. It was all about him. Him.

Bryson was just doing that to hurt me, I knew that he had no feelings for her. Grace liked him all these years.

I felt broken. I was having flashbacks of dispair from July. Hurt and betrayal washed over me, as I stood there paralyzed looking at them kissing.

I felt a hand grab my arm and lead me through the crowd. I looked at Dallas who had his arm around my shoulder and was shouting at people to move out of the way.

We passed them on the way out, I barely looked because Dallas blocked my view, but I could see Scar punching Bryson's back and start shouting at Grace.

The sharp cold air hit my face when we got outside. Dallas embarrassed me and ran a hand through my short hair. I didn't cry, I simply couldn't.

I heard a loud noise coming from the town and felt Dallas give scare jump. I didn't move a muscle as a bright red light came from the sky and fireworks covered the dark night. The crowd from club started to come out and I broke free form Dallas grasp. He held my face in his hands.

"Are you okay, Day?" He asked with a worried expression on his face.

I didn't have time to answer as I heard Scarlet's loud voice coming from beside me.

"You, I get! You're simply a piece of shit!" She said as she pointed her long finger with acrylic extensions to his chest, "But you?! What has gone through your mind, Grace?"

"We talked about it! You said you were fine with it!" Grace shouted back, Bryson simply looked bored.

"How could she be-! I thought you were gay!"

"Gay? What?"

"I don't get it." Scar said sounding defeated.

"She didn't make a coming out, Scar. She was telling us she liked him. That was the big secret." I said standing next to Scar as Dallas took a step next to me.

"I thought you had understood," Grace said. "I thought you accepted it."

"How could we accept it? The boy who treated Daisy like shit! And you're letting him get in your pants!" Scar said and Grace's face turned into a hurtful expression.

"You said you would love and support me no matter what!"

"You thought we would be okay with you and this scumbag!?" Sar shouted. "Daisy went through-"

"It's always Daisy!" Grace exclaimed, "Everybody always cares more about little Daisy." She then turned to me and whispered, "I love you, but I've always felt like shit next to you and Scarlet. the nerdy unattractive friend."

"This was what you wanted all along..." I said looking at her in dismay. "You were always taking his side." I looked at him in disgust and then at her, as the final conclusion finally hit me.

My heart started pounding and finally, a tear came to my eye, "It was you." I simply said and I could see she understood as her rageful expression fell, "You told him!" I pointed at Bryson, "You were the one who saw me with Jack. You..." I trailed as tears streamed down my face. "You saw me get raped." My breathing was heavy as I tried to breathe through the crying, "And you did nothing."

"I wasn't sure what I saw..." She half-whispered looking down.

"You heard me scream... And you did nothing. What you did was go and tell my boyfriend!"

"Shut up with that bullshit, Daisy." Bryson finally interviewed.

"You piece of shit!" Scar said and put herself in between me and her, "Get out of here!"

Grace's eyes were fulled of teras. "Scar, you're my best friend, hear me out."

"You better leave." Dallas said also stepping out, "Both of you, just go."

"Dallas?" Grace said weakly.

"Leave, Grace." He simply answered and grabbed me by the arm, as we made our way to his car.

The fireworks could still be heard in the night sky of the first night of the year. But my heartbeat and the hiccups from crying seemed louder than all of that New Year's Eve noise.