A Year Without Snow

-48-

Sunday, 20th February 2016 - The Past

It had been two weeks since Jack and I had gone on our first date. Since then, we had gone to the park, to the mall, and watched a movie at my house, and in between classes we would always hang out. And I liked it.

I liked walking around with a boy; I liked feeling like I was on a romantic comedy or a Disney Channel movie. And most of all it felt good to have a guy like you, romantically I mean. Plus, Jack was proving to be very dedicated and kind, he gave me flowers and candy and even gave me some of his favourite CDs. I started to think that he was the guy who had always been there and that I was too clueless to notice. And that sounded romantic.

Needless was to say that my best friend wasn't happy. When I told him first that I would go on a date with Jack he went on without speaking to me for three days, when I finally had enough and went over to his house to remind him that if he lost me it would be his fault and not Jack's, because he hadn't even given it a try, he finally calmed down.

He let out a big sight and rolled his eyes dramatically but ended up agreeing. we did continue to have our Saturday night hangouts at his house but for some reason it didn't feel the same, he seemed distant.

When I expressed my worries to the girls they quickly said that he would come to terms with it. And they were more than excited that I was going out with Jack, especially Scar, who was too going on dates with Carson and was thrilled to share the dating world with me.

Someone who didn't seem too pleased with the situation was Dallas. In the previous week, he walked me to class as I told him the many details of my new dating life when he said.

"I don't know, Day. It seems weird to me—you with Jack, and Scar with Carson. It all doesn't seem right to mix friendship with love." He said, putting a hand on his mess of hair. He had his Eminem's t-shirt today, and I could only picture him in an early two-thousand video clip.

I groaned and rolled my eyes, "You sound like Bryson. It's not a big deal. And if it all suddenly ends, life goes on."

"That's mature of you." He said, amazed but still with doubt in his voice. "Well, whatever. All I know is that we are all going to the next Barrinel party and it's gonna rock." I laughed at his enthusiasm as we said our goodbyes.

After class Jack met me near the classroom and gave a kiss on the cheek, I cringed a bit with it, but quickly ignored the feeling as we made our way out of the building.

"I was thinking that today we could just hang out at your house." He said as he put an arm around my shoulders.

"You want to watch a movie?" I asked as I looked for Bryson's car on the parking lot.

"No, just hang out." He answered.

"What you mean hang out?" I asked still clueless and that was when his face said it all.

That type of hang out, I thought as my heartbreak quickened, "We could go take a walk at downtown's park."

"Come on Daisy," He insisted, "I'm tired of walking around."

I looked around uncertain at if looking for something to save me from the inevitable "hang out", until I saw Bryson leaning against his car talking with someone.

"Okay..." I answered, "Let me just say goodbye to Bryson."

I didn't see his reaction as I walked away but I could bet it wasn't pleasant. When I reached Bryson he was talking with Melanie she was twirling her hair in her fingers and had a small smile.

"Hi." I quickly said to her and turned to Bryson, "You need to take me home."

"What?" He asked confused and a little offended.

"You heard me. Make up an excuse and take me home." I whispered hoping that Melanie wasn't listening but pretty certain she was.

"No, Daisy." He said in a voice matter of fact, "Firstly, Im talking to Melanie. Secondly we're going out."

"With her?" I asked in a low tone, but no so low because she let out a sound of exasperation.

"Yes, Daisy. And is this about Jack?" He asked.

And to make sure Melanie wasn't listening I mouthed, "Maybe."

"Oh, my God." He said turning around and lifting his hands to his hair.

"Shh! Don't be so loud." I said looking at Jack who was staring us down.

"You're being ridiculous. You have put yourself in this situation, now be a big girl and get yourself out of it."

"Why are you being like this?" I asked feeling hurt.

"Because I want nothing to do with this... shit." He exclaimed.

"What's the problem with that girl?" I heard Melanie ask.

I felt it was best not to answer and simply walked away.

I made my way to Jack and dramatically rolled my eyes when I reach him and he asked me what had happened and without any valid excuse to give him I lied and said that Bryson needed my help to get away from Melanie.

We ended up going to my house we walk all the way there and meanwhile I was completely stuck in my head worrying about what was about to happen. It was not that I didn't want to be intimate with someone eventually, but it simply didn't felt right.

But I ignored all of that and made myself believe that it was normal to be nervous, that it was normal to be scared about doing anything for the first time and that it had to happen eventually so I might as well get it over with.

When we reached my house we did end up watching a movie and inevitably things escalated as he started putting his hand on my knee and one thing led to another since and we started making out, so feeling scared and pathetic I suddenly stopped him and lied saying that my mother would be arriving soon even though she was making a 48-hour shift.

When he left I was certain that there was something wrong with me; that no normal girl would become paralyzed with the guy she was going out with. After that day when Scar or Grace or even Jack asked me how it had been, I always lied. I felt like it was my obligation to. I couldn't admit that my first romantic experience was being that unpleasant, especially to myself.

So I lied and moved on. Me and Jack dated for six months, and from beginning to end I walk through it in a fazed motion while promising myself it would get better, I would get used to it. But it never got and I never did.