A Year Without Snow

-25-

Monday, 20th July 1986

It would have been a normal summer day, waking up in my old bed, in my old bedroom, somewhat in my old life. I've been away for almost two years, briefly coming back in the holidays and summer, but somehow I felt that I had been gone for all of my life, I think I never saw this room, or this house or even this town as my home. I never had real friends here and I definitely never had a real family. I had a mother and a man who walked around calling himself my father. A man who felt entitled to make every decision for me, a man who felt entitled to make decisions for everyone.

And I couldn't stop thinking that I had to go to that stupid house next door, and that stupid boy with his stupid perfect little family.

Throughout the years I always felt a twinge of envy every time I passed them in the driveway. Walking out of the house as though he had no cares in the world, as though he had no obligation, no hopes laid on him.

I stood up from the bed, way too small for me, and went down the stairs. I and Jim were never great friends, we used to play around when we were kids seeing that we were only one year apart, but the time went by, and by the end of elementary school we didn't even speak anymore, never made much difference anyway, we hang out with different crowds.

By the time I got to the living room fully dressed, father had already left for work and mother was sitting by the table reading the paper and with an enormous quantity of food laid on the breakfast table.

"Oh, good morning, honey." She said, "I was about to go up and wake you up, you have to be at the Kanne's by ten."

I sat down in front of her and filled a bowl with milk and cereals.

She took a deep breath a put down the newspaper, "I know you don't really want to go, love. But just make an effort, besides I don't believe you have anything better to do." She said giving me a warm smile as I carried a spoon full of cereal to my mouth but I stopped midway and threw the spoon to the table making a mess of milk in the tablecloth.

"I don't give a crap about going to the damn Kannes'. If it had been me choosing to go, not him!" I shouted and my mother looked at me alarmed and worried and as I looked at her I felt ashamed of my behavior.

I took a deep breath and rested my head on my hands, "I'm sorry, mom." I whispered.

I heard her stand up, and for a second I was afraid she was going to leave, but she sat down in the chair next to mine and place a hand on my head. I felt stupid for thinking she would leave, I knew she would never do such a thing.

"You and your father have very similar tempers, even if you don't want to admit it. And he does what he does because he cares. We all have different ways to show affection. And some fathers, especially, are in a constant fight between showing masculinity and strength of affection and care." She noted, "I only hope that when you get to be a father, you'll be more blessed on the sensitive side."

I laughed and looked at her affectionally and proceed on finishing my breakfast.

****

I went up the old stairs that differed dramatically from the rest of the house that was well arranged and tidy, they were made of dusty and rotten wood.

When I got upstairs I found a wide space with a roof high in the middle and low on the sides. And loads of boxes and old toys splattered around the space.

Jim was looking at the inside of a box, his back turned to me, I coughed to make myself notice but he continued with his back turned to me. I took a deep breath a coughed again, but he kept on ignoring me. I rolled my eyes and kicked a box that made a loud noise and fell to the ground.

"Jesus fuck man, I know you're there." He said not turning around.

"I know." I spoke turning around and looking at the mess around me, "I just stumbled on the damn box..." I kneeled down and picked it up, "You should've taken it out of the way."

"That's why you're here." Jim said and picked up the box and stood up finally turning around, he walked to me and handed me the box, "Here, we'll put what's trash in this side and then move it out and what's good, which may very well be nothing at all, to this side."

And like that the day went on separating trash from the rest, which as Jim had predicted was nothing at all. The guy turned out wasn't as annoying as I had thought, we didn't talk much and he didn't try to make small talk which I was grateful for.

The day ended with us seated by a small window in one of the ends, completely exhausted eating sandwiches and orange juice that Mrs. Kanne had made.

"So... How's military school treating you?" Jim asked before biting his sandwich.

"Man, there's no need to make small talk, being here is torture enough."

"Just trying to be nice..." He mumbled while rolling his eyes.

"Don't bother. Believe me, you're much more pleasant when you're quiet."

"You know what's not pleasant? That personality of yours, are you that unhappy that you have to make everyone else as miserable as you?" He asked while standing up.

I looked up at him with an amazed expression. I wasn't expecting that.

"Calm down man-"

"No, I won't calm down, man." He exclaimed, "You used to be tourable, even cool. What happened to you. You're turning into your father." He finished before turning around and going down the old stairs.

I remained a few moments there, processing what had just happened, before leaving the house, not bothering to say goodbye to any of the Kannes', damn this family, I thought to myself.