Trigger Warning: A Phanfic

7

Phil
Phil's POV-
"Phil, can you talk about what you're feeling?" Dan asked me. I felt my body go stiff, there was no way that I wanted to talk about feelings with Dan. I avoided his eyes, pretending that I hadn't heard him. I could literally feel Dan staring.

Don't you dare start talking about your psychotic ass. What the fuck is wrong with you?

My arms were still burning and it felt hard to breathe. I tried to ignore it, keeping my eyes glued to the floor.

"Phil?" Dan tried to grab my attention. I was planning to keep ignoring him when I heard the chair next to me being pulled out from under the table and Dan sitting down next to me placing a grilled cheese in front of me. I could still feel his eyes on me.

"Please don't make me talk about it. I've already been humiliated enough today, Dan." I said, pulling my arms to my chest. My whole body began to shake again. I began to shut down again when I felt a hand squeeze my own. I looked up to meet Dan's eyes. They were always big and brown, although common they were two of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. The whites of his eyes were red, it broke my heart. I couldn't stand that I had made him feel this way. He had bags under his eyes and his skin was a purple color. He must've been up all night.

"Hey, it's just me. It's just Dan." He gave my hand a second squeeze and smiled. His voice was very quiet and soft. He brushed the hair out of my face and leaned his forehead onto mine. He was so close that I could feel his warm breath on my face. It smelled like cinnamon. I could feel my face blushing. I tried to look away but Dan only pushed his face harder against mine so I couldn't move.

It was then that I realized that there was nothing I could do but talk.

"My arms," I tried to speak but it came out as more of a whisper.

"Yes?" Dan said, his voice a bit more cheerful now that I've said something.

"They..they burn Dan. It hurts." I said quietly.

"It's probably the bandages, maybe they're too tight." He said, reaching for my arms so that he could loosen the bands.

"No, it's different." I said, watching as Dan was unwrapping the bands. He lifted the cotton pad from underneath the medical bandage after seeing that my blood had soaked through it.

"I need to change the dressings. Can we go to the bathroom?" Dan asked me. He sounded very serious yet still concerned. I nodded and stood up, stumbling as Dan was still holding my arms.

Dan asked me to sit on the tub's edge while he began to get out the first aid kit. He gathered some supplies and carried them over to me, letting them fall to the floor in a heap beside my feet before kneeling in front of me.

"What do you mean by 'different', Phil?" He said, recalling what I had said in the kitchen as he was wetting a cotton ball with rubbing alcohol, "this is going to burn." He warned.

He began cleaning up my arm again, just as he had before.

"I need help."

"I know," Dan avoided eye contact this time.

"It's all I'm thinking about, Dan."

"Cutting?" His words seemed to be getting shorter and shorter. I could feel tension rising and then I heard a small sniffle come from Dan's nose. Was he crying? My thoughts immediately told me to shut up. I didn't answer Dan and suddenly he was grasping onto my wrists.

"Phil, please, just talk to me. I love you."

Dan said I love you.

Sure, him and I had been best friends since 2009, we were closer than anyone could be to another person. We had a very caring relationship but we never said "I love you" to one another. We had agreed long ago that it was cheesy and a bit stupid to tell your friends that you love them in a platonic way, that it should be said to a soulmate or a lover rather than a friend.

Deep down I knew that I was in love with Dan. I admired him in every single way possible. I couldn't bear thinking of losing him. When I thought of who I love, Dan's face was always who I thought of.

But Dan could never love me back.

It wasn't logical.