Trigger Warning: A Phanfic

19

Phil
In the last few days I hadn't been able to wrap my mind around what Dan and I had.

He was my best friend, I had never been closer to anyone more than him before. There wasn't one thing that I didn't like about Dan. I had always been in love with everything about him.

I wanted to tell him just how much I truly loved him but my mind held me back.

Dan only thinks he has feelings for you because you worried him.

Nobody could ever love a twat like you.

I think the only thing holding me back from confessing my feelings was me. Any time my mind even wandered to the topic I began thinking about what I had done to Dan. I tried to kill myself. Not only that but I left Dan, only Dan, to find me. What would have happened if I hadn't actually made it through. PJ told me he couldn't even stand on his own when he found him in our apartment. He had just been stuck on the floor, lifelessly scrubbing my blood out of the carpet. The thought of Dan seeing me dead made me feel like I was going to throw up. How selfish I had been to put him through all of that.

The truth was, ever since I had come home I wanted to apologize for what I had done to him. It just never felt like the right time.

I was sitting on the couch in the lounge when Dan came in, his arms wrapped around a plastic white box. He seemed deep in thought and hesitated a second before actually coming. He told me that he needed to change my bandages and took the seat next to me.

I hated when he had to do this. I understand why, I needed to avoid infections and all, but I was embarrassed.

I held my arm out to him and he began doing what needed to be done.

I looked away, staying silent. I had so many thoughts going through my head.

For once my mind seemed quiet, at ease. I suddenly found myself taking charge of the moment. I began throwing compliments at Dan's way, I didn't know why. I knew that made him uncomfortable, which is why I rarely did unless I knew he was upset.

And suddenly I heard myself say it.

"What are we?"

Dan looked up at me. He looked happy, but his eyes still seemed to drop. I wasn't sure what he was feeling, he seemed unreadable at the time. I grabbed his hands, I was surprised when he didn't pull them away from me.

"I love you, I meant what I said before." I said, tears rolling down my face. The room seemed much bigger than it ever had before, expanding with the filling silence. There was a long gap of nothing before I felt myself being tackled into a hug.

"I-I...Phil. I love you." Dan said.

~