Trigger Warning: A Phanfic

21

Phil
Dan was taking a shower, leaving me alone at the breakfast bar to eat my breakfast. Today he had woken up a bit earlier than usual and decided to make us a mass amount of food. "We're not a family of 10, Dan." I mimicked something he had said to me a long time ago in a vlog we had filmed.

In front of me was a large plate of pancakes, bacon, eggs, and fried toast with marmalade and butter. I stared at it for a while.

Since I had gotten out of the hospital my mind seemed to be more at ease. I felt more free to be myself and to love who I wanted despite the things I had gone through in the past. Everything seemed to be fine except one thing.

I couldn't eat.

Well..it wasn't exactly that I couldn't eat. My mind was telling me I shouldn't.

Fat. The very word made my insides hurt and my body shake. All of my life I'd always felt insecure with myself. I was feeling a bit better with myself.

If only I were skinner I could be happy again.

Before I had been in the hospital I had thought that my eating habits were only caused from my own depression, but now my sadness just seemed to be replaced by insecurity. I felt like the only way to fix anything was to restrict myself. Even the thought of eating a little bit made me feel sick.

It's only one skipped meal.

I refused to tell Dan. He'd done so much for me already.

I heard the door of the bathroom open and expected to soon see a freshly showered Daniel come into the kitchen to check on me. This had become our morning ritual. I quickly scooped up my plate and dumped a good bit of it in the trash, doing my best not to make noises that would make Dan suspicious of my throwing away untouched food.

I sat back down at the breakfast bar just in time to see Dan appear in the doorway, only a towel wrapped around his waist. I blushed at his appearance and looked back down at the countertop.

"Still eating, babe?" He said. I looked back up to see him scratching at his ear. He smiled at me when he saw me looking at him, his infamous dimples showing.

"Yeah," I said quietly.

"Okay, I'll come eat with you. I'm just going to get dressed first." Dan said to me.

"That's okay, I'm nearly finished." I mumbled to him but my voice was too quiet. He had already wandered to his bedroom to get dressed. I continued to sit, just staring off into space.

When Dan returned his towel was now replaced with dark sweatpants and a striped sweater. He kissed my cheek as he pushed himself up onto the bar stool next to me.

"How do you like the food?" He asked me, retrieving his phone from his pocket and replying to a few texts as he spoke to me.

"It's good!" I lied, smiling at Dan.

"Good!" Dan said back, inflecting the same tone I had given him.

I moved the food around my plate and pretended to be eating. I felt like I was imitating Cassie from Skins, using her tricks on hiding her eating habits.

(I'll insert a clip of her)

"Bear, do you want to go watch Netflix?" I suggested.

He agreed and began clearing my plate for me.

Thank god for excuses.
~