Trigger Warning: A Phanfic

17

Phil
The next few days were a blur. I was put on a 72 hour suicide watch, I had to have somebody in my room at all times. A team of doctors have me verbal tests, double checking and rechecking diagnosis. It was determined that I still, in fact, had manic depression. Dan stayed a lot of the time that I was in hospital, only leaving when I begged him to go home to sleep. When Dan wasn't here I was being prodded to talk to the psychologist that was on call at that time.

Dan and I were sitting cross legged on my bed, eating some not-so-nice hospital food and playing cards. I watched as Dan took a bite of his overly dry spaghetti, his face tensing in a bit of disgust as he swallowed the food.

"Just like the Olive Garden," Dan said, smirking as he laughed at his attempt of a joke. I smiled as I noticed his dimples appear and his tight curls fall back from his forehead. "Aren't you going to eat your food?" He said, gesturing to my untouched sandwich with his hand. I shrugged the question off and without even thinking about it I was making an excuse about why I hadn't been eating.

"The medicine makes me feel a bit woozy, I'll eat later." I said.

Dan nodded, looking back to his hand of cards. As the room went silent I refocused my attention onto Dan.

"Dan?" I said, my voice was quiet but it still caught his attention. He looked into my eyes, making my whole body go stiff. He pursed his lips for a moment before putting down his cards onto the table next to us.

"Phil?" He said back, almost imitating me.

My mind seemed to go completely blank. The only thing that had been on my mind for the past days was Dan. The first time that I saw him since I had been brought to hospital my heart had broke. I thought that whatever he and I had before would never be the same, that I had probably driven him away for good. But I seemed to be wrong, he had been with me almost the whole time I had been here and everything between us had been different now. It was like my mistake had brought us closer.

For once my mind seemed to be at ease. No voices were putting me down, it was like I finally had some peace. It felt like this was finally a time where I felt comfortable to talk freely to Dan, although still technically being in public.

"I want to tell you something." I said, taking a sip of my Gatorade.

"What is it, Phil?"

My mind began drifting when Dan spoke. His voice was deep and a bit gravely when in person, almost nothing like it sounded on his videos or on the phone. His words sometimes seemed to mold together. Do I really want to tell Dan this? I tried to give myself the most confidence in myself that I could.

"Fuck," I whispered as I felt my hands begin to shake.

"Relax." Dan said. He moved closer to me and grabbed one of my hands, "you're alright." He used his thumb to rub the top on my hand.

"Okay-uh...Dan. I'm gay."

Dan stayed silent for a moment, just looking at me in the eyes.

"Watch your arm," he said quickly, referring to my stitches. I barely had time to think about what he meant before I was being tackled into a hug, knocking me over onto my back. Dan laid on top of me, his face close to mine.

"I'm so fucking proud of you." He said, I could feel his breath on my face.

"You're not mad?" I asked.

"Mad? No, of course I'm not mad. Do you remember what I said the night I came here with Peej?"

And that's when I remembered.

That night Dan had told me he was bisexual. He told me he was interested in someone.

When he got to the hospital Dan had told me he loved me.

Is that what he meant? Not in a platonic way...but as in a way that he was truly in love.

"You-?"

"Yes, Phil!" Dan said, giggling as he began to smile once again.

"Yes?"

"Yes!"

"I-I-"

"Just shut up and kiss me."
~