Trigger Warning: A Phanfic

35

Phil's POV-

I was caught. 

The minute that I saw the tears begin to roll down Dan's face I knew that there couldn't be anymore lying. There was no hiding anything. I was sure that Dan knew everything, and it hurt more than anything I had ever experienced to see him hurt. 

And he hurt because of me. 

I couldn't think of anything I could do in that moment but apologize. There were no excuses that I could make anymore. I couldn't lie about what was happening. I had been caught. And I was so afraid. I had no idea what was coming. What would Dan do? Would he leave me? Was he tired of dealing with me? Would he try to take me back to the hospital? Would he make me speak to the horrible therapist like he had before? All of those thoughts made me feel sick to my stomach. 

"You need to get help." Dan had said to me. 

At that very moment I think you could probably physically hear my heart break. I was so upset and insecure. I didn't want to go back to the hospital. Being there before had been one of the worst experiences of my entire life. 

"No, please, Dan. I don't want to go back there. I'll get better, I swear. I won't lie about eating anymore; I won't lie to you at all actually! And I'll be healthier." I began begging Dan not to do anything. I could tell that he wasn't buying what I was telling him because his face stayed blank. 

"How can I believe that?" Dan said, his voice raising once again. "You were "fine" before. You told me yourself that you were fucking fine. But were you? The hell you were not. Have you seen yourself recently? Have you noticed that you are quite literally skin and bones now? Because I have, and it hurts. It hurts me to just look at you because I know that you're in pain. And I gave you time. I thought that maybe you would be able to control this or that it was just a phase. But it's been weeks! I started staying home because I was afraid that I would come home and find you dead on the floor! Its so scary, Phil. You have no idea how terrible it actually is. I love you and I want nothing else but for you to be better and for you to be happy. You're on such a destructive path. Every time I touch you or hug you or kiss you I feel like you'll just break in my arms. You seem so fragile and I don't think that this is something that you can face yourself and I don't think that this is something that I know how to handle." 

"You just don't want to deal with this." I yelled back at him, pushing the plate in front of me away. The food slipping onto the table. I got up from my seat and began storming away. My heart was guiding me in the direction of Dan, but my brain was taking me to the bedroom. I began packing a bag full of my clothes. And before I knew it I was on a train, back to my hometown. 

Away from the apartment. 

Away from my home. 

Away from my life. 

Away from Dan.