Trigger Warning: A Phanfic

9

Dan
Time Jump of a few hours
It was 3 AM. I was laying in my bed staring at the ceiling and thinking.

It had been hours since I left Phil in his bedroom after he had fallen asleep. He seemed so calm when he slept, the direct opposite of the side I had seen in him today.

I hated what I had seen in him today.

He was in so much pain and I had failed to see that.

I failed him.

I was too busy worrying over a senseless crush that I had on him. There were so many signs that something wasn't right and all I had to do was just get out of my head for one second. I could've helped him sooner. I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

I had to clean and wrap his wounds. I had to clean the blood out of his shirt. I had to watch him break down in front of my eyes. I had to search his entire room before I could let him on his own and even then it scared the shit out of me knowing that he was alone in there by himself. My mind kept flashing back to hours ago when I had found Phil in the bathroom, his body sweaty and shaking.

I was awakened from my thoughts when the door creaked and slightly opened a bit.

"Are you awake?" Phil whispered from the other side of the door. I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and sat up.

"Yes, are you alright Phil?" I asked, my voice cracked a bit.

"I can't sleep." He said, still waiting in the hall.

"Come in." I said. The door opened and there was Phil in the doorway. He was dressed in Avengers pajama bottoms and a tee shirt and was holding a pillow in his arms. I scooted over to make room on my bed and patted the place next to me. His eyes looked red and puffy.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"You didn't do anything." I said, putting an arm on his shoulder.

"I made you sad."

"I'm just worried Phil, I'm okay."

He rest his head on my chest, making me suddenly aware that I wasn't wearing a shirt when I felt his cheek on my bare skin. I felt butterflies well up inside me and my face go red. I hoped that Phil wouldn't notice in the soft light of my fairy lights hanging around my bed.

My heart physically hurt for Phil.

Suddenly I felt myself moving without even thinking. My arms wrapped themselves around Phil, my head resting on top of his shoulder. I felt surprised when I felt Phil clinging onto me, his arms resting near my hips. I could feel his cold skin along with the medical bandage which felt a bit damp and I guessed that they needed changing. But for the few minutes that everything felt calm I tried to ignore it.

"I want to talk to you about something but you can't get mad at me for it. This is something serious and we have to deal with it." I said softly.

He mumbled something inaudible.

"We need to call the doctor or talk to a psychologist. You need help, Phil, I'm really worried."

I felt Phil's body go stiff but I knew that he wasn't objecting.
~
In the morning I rang the doctor and asked him to come to our apartment. He made plans to be over after noon.

"Philly?" I looked at him as he was curled up on the couch. He looked very uncomfortable, his ears were red. This always happened when he was stressed out.

"We don't have to tell the doctor." I said, sitting down next to him with the first aid kit. His bandages were turning a bit brown from wearing them for a long time and his whole arm smelled like a penny. I unwrapped the bandages to reveal the deep scabs that lined his arm.

Looking at the cuts made me sick but I had to be strong for him.

"When I was diagnosed with clinical depression he gave me tests for depression and anxiety. We don't have to tell him that you.." my eyes flickered to his arm.

I could remember back to the time when I was a sad 11 year old boy who did the same things as Phil. Although very faint you could still see a few of the scars left behind from my depression. I had gotten myself out of it before and I thought I could for Phil too.

"We don't have to tell the doctor that you've harmed yourself. Not if you don't want to." I said.

~