A Love Renewed

11 | Savannah

I just wanted to sleep, but my brain wouldn't shut off and I just kept replaying his words over and over again in my head; "Had you not been acting a fool when you were pregnant the first time, we would have a child by now"

There of course was never any alcohol allowed on the bus, which is why I purposely snuck in a bottle of wine before we left. I grabbed a glass from the tiny kitchen and poured, not even caring that it was much more than the appropriate glass of wine should be.

I spent the night fading in and out of a trance. It wasn't until 90% of the bottle was gone that I finally fell into a deep sleep and was able to forget about everyone and everything. I was numb to the world around me and I wanted it to stay that way. Prince would always tell me how Gabe was wrong, how stupid he was for thinking I was to blame. If Prince no longer believed me, who would?

Gabe and I never made it after that loss and I prayed to God that Prince and I wouldn't have the same fate. But at this moment, all I could think of was how this is exactly how things started to spiral for Gabe and I. All it took was one argument, one slip up where he finally showed his true colors and our relationship took a turn for the worst.

Prince

As soon as the show ended I immediately took off towards the tour bus. Cass nodded to me before moving away from the door, letting me know she was still in there.

It was silent on the bus, so I assumed she was in the back. I didn't know what I was walking into and I knew I needed to choose my words carefully. All I wanted was for her to accept my apology, for her to know how sorry I am for making the mistake that I did.

I slowly walked toward the room and my heart sank as I saw her lying there on the edge of the bed. One arm was dangling off the edge, her hair was disheveled and her makeup had smeared from her tears. My eyes shifted to the empty bottle of wine that sat beside the bed and I took in a deep breath, trying to keep my frustrations at bay. I hated when she did this. I truly didn't mind when she drank, it was when she abused it that infuriated me. She was using it to self medicate and the fact that I drove her to it drove me crazy. I took the bottle and threw it in the trash. It clanked loudly as it dropped and she didn't even flinch, I knew she was out like a light.

It tore me up seeing her like this. I needed so desperately for her to just look me in the eyes, for her to tell me that she forgives me. Most importantly for me to explain myself, and remind her that I'm nothing like Gabe or the relationship she was in before.

I gently raked my fingers through her hair, combing it back so that it was away from her face. She was still dressed in her stage clothes, I immediately thought of how one of her biggest annoyances is falling asleep in clothes that aren't her pajamas. I always thought it was so cute. Sometimes she'd fall asleep in her clothes and wake up at 2AM, just because she realized she wasn't wearing anything comfortable. She would immediately change and go right back to sleep.

I grabbed a pair of her shorts and a t shirt from the drawer and carefully unzipped her jumpsuit. She stirred a little, but I was able to peel it off of her without any trouble. However getting her clothes on seemed to be a bit more of a challenge. I was able to get her shorts on, but the t shirt was looking to be a problem. I heard her mumble something and when I looked up, she was barely batting her eyes open. I didn't know if she subconsciously sat up or if she was actually aware of what she was doing, but she sluggishly sat up and allowed me to pull the shirt over her head. As soon as it was on, her head fell directly onto my shoulder and she dozed right back to sleep. I knew she wouldn't remember this in the morning and I'd have to repeat myself, but I needed to get it out anyway. For my own sanity. I placed my hands on her back and kissed her forehead.