Written

Chapter 50

I am woken by Hayley's gentle touch on my arm, momentarily having forgotten where we are. We could be anywhere, at any hotel in any city, her soft fingers brushing over my tattooed skin to wake me up in the softest of ways.

"Harry?" She whispers. Her voice brings me back to the now. I roll over and sit up, using all of my strength not to wrap her in my arms and cling to her, crying the way I let myself last night.

"What time is it?" I mumble, rubbing my eyes.

"It's seven in the morning," she whispers. She wouldn't be waking me at seven in the morning unless...

"What happened?" I ask, suddenly wide awake.

"Nothing," she answers, but her voice cracks. "He hasn't woken up since yesterday morning." Wrong. I almost tell her but something inside tells me not to. On some level, she deserves to know, but on a deeper level the conversation was not meant for her ears. So I keep it a secret, a secret that will die with Ryan. "It's going to be soon, Harry," her voice cracks and I can't resist pulling her into my arms. She doesn't fold into me the way she once did, but she leans against my shoulder for support, crying softly. I climb out of bed and get dressed, letting her lead me upstairs. We sit on the couch next to Catherine, whose eyes are distant and unfocused. The door to Ryan's room is open, allowing us to hear the steady beep of his heart monitor. The beeps seem to be gradually slowing as time ticks on.

Mrs. Reid is in the room with him, her soft cries rip into me and I can barely stand it. After a while, she walks out and Hayley takes her turn. She is in there just under an hour. When she comes out, her eyes are red and puffy and she sits down next to me, curling up under my arm and laying her head on my chest. She cries until she is all cried out.

Hayley, Mrs. Reid, and I sit there while Catherine takes her time to say goodbye. No one speaks for ages, but Hayley breaks the silence.

"I don't want to see it," she whispers into my chest. "I don't want to see him die." The words are so quiet, only intended for me. I pull her closer.

"You don't have to," I tell her. "I'm right here, just stay with me." She barely moves for the next hour, and I swear time stands still. The heart monitor's beeping is hypnotizingly slow, lulling us all into a false sense of comfort. And then it slows dramatically over a span of ten seconds. The gaps between beeps are far too long and I am filled with such dread that I can barely breathe.

"Miranda," Catherine calls from inside the room. Mrs. Reid is on her feet in a flash, hurrying into the room. The beeps slow even more and Hayley jumps to her feet. She had said she didn't want to see it but I don't know if she will be able to resist. Oh God. Oh God, this is actually happening. I stand next to Hayley and follow her as she takes a step towards the room. At the last moment, she decides not to, so we stand there for a second that drags into an eternity. Beep. Beep. I am not breathing. Beep. How is the world still turning? Beep. Ryan's voice echoes in my head. "I hope Hayley's right. About Heaven." Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Hayley collapses into my arms with grief so powerful that she doesn't even make a sound. No wailing, no tears, nothing. I sink onto the floor with her and she finally comes to life, heaving sobs in my arms. I cry too, not caring who sees. Tears fall, hot and fast, down my cheeks, disappearing into Hayley's hair. Ryan is gone. Ryan Reid is dead and nothing in this world will ever be right again.

HAYLEY

Ryan died on a Thursday morning. It rained. The sky cried with us, mourning the loss of the greatest sunshine the world had ever seen.

I had sat on the floor, wrapped in Harry's arms while medical professionals removed all evidence of Ryan's existence from that room. My mom and Catherine could somehow bear to stay and watch it all; I chose to bury my face in Harry's neck and let the pain blind me.