Written

Chapter 20

My heart jumps into my throat. I know that it is Liam at my door. I should not have thrown that coffee mug, I am certain that is the reason why he is here. Still, it's too late now to do what I should have done, which is turn out the lights and try to fall asleep. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. It takes me a moment, but I gather the courage to open the door. As I suspected, Liam stands on the other side. We stare each other down for a moment before he speaks. His voice is not loud and accusatory, as I had expected it to be. Rather, it is soft, like a child's. He seems uncharacteristically shy now.

   "I was just coming to make sure you were okay," he repeats my words from earlier this morning. The exact same words I said to him when I heard the first crashes from his room. What the fuck? In a normal situation, I would continue the banter and keep the conversation going, but I can do nothing but stare at him wordlessly. He sighs, shoulders slumping. "Can I come in?" He asks. I don't want to let him in, God knows what he'll do or say to me, but I stand back anyway and let him pass. He walks into the room, perching on the couch. "Are you going to say anything?" He asks me.

   "I am terrified of you," I tell him honestly. No point beating around the bush. He drops his head into his hands.

   "I know you are," he says. His voice is muffled. "I'm sorry. I know you are."

   Bravely, I take a seat on the couch across from him. We are face to face, though his face is still in his hands. "Liam?" I ask.

   "Mmmm?" He mumbles.

   "If you don't mind me asking...what the hell is your problem?" My voice doesn't sound accusing, I am genuinely curious. He looks up at me with a small smile on his face.

   "I am fucked up," he answers simply. Well I won't argue with that. This conversation is absolutely not what I expected it would be, not that I had expected a conversation at all.

   "Do...you want to talk about it?" I ask. This is the strangest situation I have ever gotten myself into.

   "Not really, but I guess I owe you an explanation."

   "You don't owe me anything," I say. "Well, maybe an apology. But nothing else."

   "I am sorry," he says. "It's kind of stupid, the reason I've acted this way towards you. And I'm sorry for that. You're going to think shit of me after I tell you."

   "To be fair, I don't really think that highly of you anyway," I joke. He cracks a smile.

   "You remind me of..." he trails off before collecting his thoughts and taking a deep breath. "You remind me a lot of someone who really, really hurt me."

   "Oh," I say. Liam is avoiding eye contact staring around the room.

   "I know," he says. "It's no excuse. You're not her."

   "I'm not her," I echo. "I won't hurt you, Liam. I promise I won't hurt anybody."

   "I know you won't, I know that. I'm sorry." His face drops back into his hands again, and he is absolutely distraught.

   "Liam, have you told anyone about this? About whoever hurt you?" I have a feeling I know the answer.

   "No," he shakes his head. My heart instantly goes out to him. If no one knows, and he has been suffering this bad, he has been holding it all inside, keeping it to himself. This has been killing him, and no one even knows about it. No wonder he is going mad.

   "Tell me," I command. I don't know how, but I somehow know that he will tell me. Sometimes it's easier to lay your burdens on a stranger.

   "Sharon. Her name was Sharon, she looked almost exactly like you. And she was like you, she was happy a lot, and people were really just drawn to her."

   "What happened?" I whisper.

   "I fell for her. I fell for it, I fell for the act she put on. She told me all of these things about herself, but they were...lies. She just made up this whole life and I bought it so easily, I was...so in love with her. But she, um..." he pauses. "She sold me out. She was taking things that I gave her and selling them, and telling people things about me, and just...she destroyed me." He is crying now, such a dramatic turn from the man who was glowering in my face less than twelve hours ago. My arm automatically goes around his shoulders. He flinches at first, but then leans into me. Well this is not how I intended to spend my evening.

   "I'm so sorry," I tell him. I am. People can be so cruel, and he just happened to get caught in the web of a black widow. "You haven't told anyone this?" I ask, as he cries quietly.

   "No, it's embarrassing," he says. "Pathetic, actually."

   "When did it happen?" I expect him to say that it was a while back, but he surprises me again.

   "Two weeks ago." I tighten my arm around his shoulders.

   "Oh, Liam," my heart breaks for him. His behavior has alerted the other band members and most of the crew that he is not quite right, but I am sure none of them suspect anything of this magnitude.

   "I'm so angry," he says. "I'm so hurt and so angry."

   "You should be," I tell him. "You have every right to be."

   "I shouldn't have taken it out on you, though."

   "You shouldn't have," I agree. "And Liam... everyone else is really worried about you. They can tell that you're not yourself. I don't even know you and I can tell that you're not yourself." He groans.

   "I've been such a dick." I don't want to agree, so I stay quiet. "Especially to you," he says. "I'm sorry, Hayley. It's just hard for me to trust people now. I don't think I'll ever trust someone again."

   "That's not true," I point out. "You just told me your story, so I guess you kind of trust me."

   "Yeah, maybe," he says. "Why are you being so nice? Aren't you pissed at me?"

   "I was," I say. "I'm not that pissed anymore. Knowing the back story can make you see things from a different perspective. And I'm glad you told me. Maybe we can be friends now." We are quiet for a moment. "What have you been breaking over there?" I ask.

   "Plates," he answers. "Oh God. I am such a douche!"

   I laugh. "Okay, you kind of are." He laughs, and I find that I enjoy his laugh. Maybe because I was beginning to think that I would never hear it.

   "Did you break something, too?" He asks, smiling.

   "Maybe," I say slyly.

   "You totally did!" He calls me out on it.

   "Okay fine, I did! I was getting tired of your rockstar tantrum." I tease him.

   "I won't do that again," he says. "I'm sorry."

   "You've said sorry enough, Liam. You're forgiven. Let's just start over, okay?"

   "Okay," he says, reaching to shake my hand. "I'm Liam Payne. I'm in a band called One Direction, and I am not a total douchebag." I laugh.

   "I'm Hayley Reid, I kind of work for you, and I have a pretty high douchebag tolerance anyway. It's nice to finally meet you," I shake his hand. He stands up from the couch.

   "I'll leave you to whatever you were ding before I interrupted your night," he says. "Thank you, for listening. And for forgiving me, even though I don't deserve it."

   "You're welcome," I say simply.

   "Goodnight, Hayley."

   "Goodnight, Liam."

   As I close the door behind him, I press my forehead to the wood, sighing. At least that stressor is out of the way. How heartbreaking though. Poor Liam. I wonder why he hasn't shared his suffering with anyone else. Is he embarrassed? Probably. I understand why he would be. Still, I feel reassured and glad that he came here to apologize to me. Underneath the hard mask, he seems like a genuinely kind, although slightly broken man.

   I lay back on the fluffy pillows and try to fall asleep, safe in the knowledge that I will never have a nightmare about Liam Payne again. The last thought that crosses my mind before I drift off is that I wish Harry was lying across the foot of my bed again tonight.