Written

Chapter 29

Harry's head is still on my chest when I wake up in the morning, and I have to admit that I could get used to this. My entire life I've slept alone but I'm starting to need the reassuring weight of someone next to me. Not just someone, Harry. Only Harry.

I let him sleep, just lying in bed and thinking about what my life has come to. If someone would have told me a month ago that I would be anywhere apart from the radio station in Atlanta, I would have called them crazy. It's all happened so fast, I have barely been able to keep up. The change itself was enough to make me lose my mind, but throw Harry into the mix and it's a whole new ballgame. Going into this, I knew there would be something between the two of us, I just didn't expect it to be so... strong. And I certainly would not have predicted coming onto Harry Styles and having him turn me down out of respect. The thought makes me smile and I am suddenly so thankful for the boy who is lightly snoring against my skin right now.

But that opens up a world of thoughts that I wasn't prepared to have. In the back of my mind, I have always questioned Harry's openness. Clearly we get along better than a lot of people and we became close very quickly, but maybe he is more guarded than I thought. Does he trust me? I already know that I trust him with my life, a terrifying thought if he doesn't feel the same.

Then again, I am not the one running around with another significant other, however fake. This fame machine is already messing with my head; I don't know how much longer I will be able to take it. But I could never walk away from Harry. Just as the thought crosses my mind, he stirs. Harry rolls off of me and rubs his eyes, not saying a word. He pulls me onto his chest, where we lay in silence for the next hour.

"You scare the hell out of me," I murmur quietly, breaking the peace.

"Why?" Harry breathes.

"I'm scared I'll give you too much."

"And that I won't take it?" His voice is full of concern.

"No. More like... that you'll take it and then put it down." I admit. Harry's arms tighten around me.

"I would never just put you down," he says. "Why would you even think that?"

"I don't know, Harry. Don't you ever think about the fact that we barely know each other?" I scoot away from him and prop my head up on my elbow so that we are face to face.

"That's not true, Hayley. We haven't known each other long but that doesn't mean that we don't know each other. I tell you things I wouldn't tell anyone else. And we've already been through a lot of shit together." He is right, I suppose.

"I'm just scared that we're crazy for doing this," I tell him. He brings his hand to my face, gently caressing my cheek as I talk. "I mean, we haven't told anyone, and I don't think we should. But then what's the point? Where is this going?"

"The point is that I want to be with you, in more ways than just one. We can tell people eventually, I just don't want to ruin the calm. Like right now it's just you and me and we're the only ones who have a say in us. But the second we open it up to people, everyone is going to have something to say, or some advice to give, or some shit to tell us that we don't need to hear. I know it has to happen, but I'm just trying to postpone it as long as I can. I'm used to all of that, but you're not, and it's not fun. It's really hard."

I close my eyes as his hand rests on my cheek. His words are so sincere. "Okay," I whisper. I want to tell him right now, I want to tell him that I love him. I was once taught never to hold that back when you feel it, but something tells me not to say it yet. I know that I do love him, it was fast but sure. Some sense of self-preservation buries the words in my head and I don't say them aloud, but I do try to transfer the emotion into the kiss I give Harry right then.