Written

Chapter 38

HAYLEY

   Throughout the week, I feel like periodically pinching myself and reminding myself that I’m in England. England. With Harry Styles. I cannot pinpoint the exact time long ago when I stopped thinking of him as “Harry Styles.” But it’s been a long time. On the eve of our last day in England, I am sitting at the kitchen table with a newspaper in my hand. Gemma has teased me relentlessly about reading the morning papers in country that is not even my own, but I find the differences intriguing.

   “Hayley?” A soft voice speaks out from behind me.

   “Yes ma’am?” I answer.

   “Honey, stop calling me ma’am. It’s Anne, I’ve told you,” she says warmly. Harry mother is the gentlest, kindest person I’ve ever met.

   “Sorry,” I say. “Yes, Anne?” I correct myself.

   “Would you mind coming on a walk with me? I wanted to speak with you…away from everything else.” Something in her voice makes me apprehensive, but I follow her anyway. We walk down a road close to the house, side by side in silence for a while.

   “Hayley,” she begins. I adore the way her accent wraps around my name. “Forgive me if I’m crossing a line here, but I want to talk to you about Harry.” I had figured as much, but I’m still a little nervous. I just nod my head, inviting her to continue. “As happy as it makes me to see that Harry has found someone like you, it’s also terrifying. As a mother. And also as someone who knows his history.” I suck in a deep breath. Harry’s history isn’t something we’ve ever gone over in detail. “Hayley, when Harry was young, he obviously didn’t have the best examples of love set for him. My relationship with his father was not a healthy one and it was not something I would have wanted as a model for either of my children. But sometimes life can take you places you never expected to be.” I can practically see her fighting against the tide of her memories. My heart aches for whatever trials she has been through. “Anyway, Harry was a bit of a… difficult child. Not in the normal way though, he didn’t act out or do anything horrible. But he was a sad boy, a sad child. It took a long time for him to get back to anywhere normal, and when he went off to X Factor I was so worried. But it was good for him, that positivity really rubbed off on him and he has come a long way. However, since the X Factor days, Harry’s romantic relationships have been... lacking. For someone who has always felt things so deeply, it worried me to see him feeling nothing. I was afraid that he either wasn’t protecting his heart or that he was protecting it too much.” She pauses and I am lost in her words, wondering what she’ll say next and how it ties back to me. “Since you’ve been around, Hayley, it’s been different. I’ve seen a little bit more of the boy I used to know before his life caved in and he rebuilt it himself.” She catches a few tears falling from her eyes. “I guess what I’m trying to tell you is, and I know Gemma said it earlier, but Harry doesn’t love easily. And you probably wouldn’t have known that at all. But the other day I heard him say it to you, just offhand, like it wasn’t a big deal. I almost cried right there, Hayley, because it is a big deal.” I don’t really know what she is expecting to hear from me, but I decide to give her the truth.

   “Anne, I love your son. It’s hard to explain why…but at the same time I have a thousand reasons why. His heart, his humor, his…sensitivity. But there’s something so much deeper than that, I feel it so much further down. In my soul almost. I know that it’s a big deal for him to love me, and I want to you to know that it’s a big deal for me to love him, too. Or to love anybody, really.”

   “I guess it’s good that you’ve found each other then,” she gives me a watery smile. “Sometimes broken hearts complement each other.” We continue walking in silence until we come upon a roofed pavilion with picnic tables underneath it. We both take a seat, though I am worried the conversation is over.