If My Love Is Suicide (Nalu)

Chapter 22

Author's Note

(づ￣ ³￣)づ Hehe, I wanted to be a little naughty when I wrote this.

(~˘▾˘)~ Bad Author-chan! ~(˘▾˘~)

I know what I did was totally wrong and uncalled for. (°ロ°)☝

But plez don't kill meh in the comments! (ಥ﹏ಥ)

Now that that's done, on with the story c:<

Lucy's P.O.V.

First period with Natsu was definitely something. He couldn't sit still, was always making a fuss and acting like a child. Still I loved seeing him smiling... Jeez what am I saying. I started to think about my father again.

I mean I was always worried about myself when it came to having a friendship with Natsu, although I did worry about his popularity. But do I even deserve to be friends with him? I mean I'm- No. I shouldn't think like that.

Pretending to forget the thoughts I looked back at Natsu again who was in the middle of sitting and balancing his chair on two legs by putting his feet at the edge of the desk while balancing a pencil on his nose. I couldn't tell if it was underly ridiculous or kinda awesome.

Natsu continued to goof off and I just smiled at him. Afterwords Natsu and I shared gym today. I was nervous because literally everyone I know is in this class. By that I mean Erza, Levy, Jellal, Gray, Juvia, not to mention Lissana.

This worried me because of what happened yesterday. I haven't talk to them sense they found out. Natsu reassured me that they are good people so they believe in their friends, but in reality I wouldn't blame them. Even if I trust Natsu on this though, I still can't get rid of the anxiety looming over me.

Anyways, Natsu and I got to the gym pretty quickly. Aquarious, the gym teacher and swim coach is having us (unsurprisingly) do swimming today. Truth is... I don't know how to swim. When I was little I never left the mansion much because we were targeted a lot for being rich. That's the reason why my sister died... and maybe my mom but I'm not sure about her.

I would go out sometimes but still rarely. I guess what I'm trying to say is I didn't get out of the house much and I was young so it made sense that I never had the chance. I bet secretly the thought of swimming also worried my mom.

After she died though, father would never give me a chance where I could swim. If anyone figured out that I didn't know how to swim it would be so embarrassing.

"Luce!" Natsu called from behind breaking me from my thoughts. "Hm?"

"I'm gunna get changed, you should to." It was surprising for Natsu to do something that actually made sense for once... Still I argued against the idea because it would be a school swimsuit I'd be changing into.

"You get changed first Natsu. I wanted to ask Aquarius-Sensei something first." He blindly nodded and flashed a smile before running off. I was actually being honest. Aquarius is really the only one besides father (if he even remembers) that knows I can't swim. If I talked to her I could get out of it, saving myself from utter embarrassment and hiding all of my scars.

Not that me being embarrassed would matter sense everyone despises me now...

I quickly reacted to the noise I herd behind me but it was to late. I was shoved in the deep end. As I slowly go down into the darkness of the water I see what looked like 4 girls laughing, and smiling. Does this really bring the joy? Is it the joy of seeing me dying or is it the joy of seeing a 'murder' die that makes them smile like that?

I struggled to get air but it was futile. It was kinda stupid really. I mean because of the lack of air I am dying, but trying to swim up to get air just makes me lose it faster. What funny way to torture somebody. No matter what they end up sinking. Huh, sounds just like life doesn't it... How pathetic I am.

I thought death would be a welcoming outcome, so why did it hurt? Why did I feel this pressure on my chest? Why did my eyes burn? My screams went undheard because there was no sound beneath the water. How lonely... how homey...

Do you think maybe... Natsu will be sad? Will he be sad to see me go? What am I saying, of course he will feel sad. Maybe I'm not that great of a person but he makes up for that. He's great enough to care for even someone like me. I'd just being hurting him, even if I don't really matter. Even if I'm terrible, I can't hurt him!

I struggled once again, thrashing around violently.  Please, please! Don't make me be the reason his smile fades. Not for a millisecond. Even if the pain he feels from my death is little I don't want that to happen. I can't die now. Not anymore. I was wrong. I might of been able to die even a few months ago peacefully and that would of been fine, but not now.

I can't leave Natsu. I got to do something. How long has it been? Oh, I stopped struggling and I didn't notice. My vision grayed, blurred at the edges. Am I really going to die?I don't want to leave him... No it's not just because I don't want to upset Natsu that I don't want to die. I want to be with Natsu. I want to be his friend. I want to make many memories together. I don't want to live just for Natsu, I want to live for myself. I don't want to die. I'm scared. Natsu... save me...

The darkness began to creep around me in a haze. I have to admit it was kind of peaceful in a lonely kind of way. Now listless, I slowly sink into the depths of the water, my body limp and lifeless. I didn't want to welcome it, yet I put up no fight as my eyes closed. It's dark.

I guess you could say I'm home.