If My Love Is Suicide (Nalu)

Chapter 28

Author's note at the end and TRIGGER WARNNINGS!!! (Maybe not really not sure. Ill make note in chapter)

Lucy's P.O.V.

Natsu insisted on walking me home.

I can just tell him my house is a different house and walk up the stairs. I'll make sure he leaves and then I can head to my real house. Hopefully the people whose house I go up to won't get mad at me.

As we were walking Natsu seemed off in thought. "Is there something bothering you Natsu?" I briefly complemented myself for not stuttering then focused my attention back on Natsu.

"No, I'm fine Luce." I stared at Natsu. 'He's a really bad liar.' He was so bad that I internaly facepalmed.

"No, really." I said stopping him and turning him to face me. "What's bothering you?"

"It's nothing really Luce-"
"Natsu." I interviened not knowing he was going to continue and still tell me.

"-It's just that I was a little bit worried about my mom."

"And why's that?" I asked, hopeful I wasn't being insensitive.

"Well it's just that she was questioning you a lot because she has trust issues. Not that she doesn't trust you! She thinks your great but she doesn't trust her own judgement so she doesn't know if she sees you as really you or not. I just feel bad for her you know? It's been like this sense my dad left. She thinks it's her fault my dad's gone even though we don't know the reason. He just disapeared. He didn't take any money or something so something might have happened ot him. My dad never came back."

"Lucky you." I whispered under my breath thinking only of my self. Realizing what I said I clamped my mouth shut and put a hand over it.

I looked up to Natsu to see him totally hurt by what I just said.

"Natsu I-"

"Save it. Walk yourself home." With that Natsu went the other way, gone in almost an instant.

(Trigger stuff just like panic attack and a little bit of suicidal thoughts)

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!" I yelled kicking the stonewall that laid beside the side walk, harder each blow. I leaned against the wall and slumped down patheticly.

"Dammit!" I screamed once again out of pure anger. I've never felt something so... infuriating.

I really didn't mean it. Not one bit of it. I just ment in my sitution I would rather have it that my dad leaves. Shit! I really screwed up. Now Natsu hates me, for real this time.

After all the nice things to me how could I hurt him so badly. How could I make him it look that way.

It felt as if my chest was exploding. I struggled to breathe, as if the air just became non-existant. Even with nothing around me, it felt like to much. It was all to much. I felt as if I was malfunctioning.

'I can't breathe! I can't breathe!'

My hands were now shaking and tears formed in the corners of my eyes. Everything was numb. My heart kept beating louder and louder. Allthough everything was silent it felt as if everyone was screaming and crowding around me. I needed space, I needed quiet, I needed calmness, I needed air!

I trembled, unable to exert any other movement. My heart pounded against my chest.

'I'm going to die.'

I felt as if someone was strangling me. It was as if I was not in this world. My perception of everything felt different at the time.

This when on until the symptoms began to subtle. Still, I sat there for an hour, unable to move, thinking about what an Idiot I am.