Coffee at 5 AM √

Chapter 20 ∞ Spectator: There's an ending to every beginning

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A few things were different after that day. They didn't talk about him not showing up, they didn't kiss or hold hands in public, and they didn't call each other in the mornings to talk.
———

Connor looks over to where his phone is lying on his bed. The caller ID says Ella and he buries his head in his hands and sighs before getting up and answering.

"Hey El," he says, his voice monotone.

Ella paces a few steps around her room, letting out a shaky breath at the sound of his voice. "Hi, Connor. I was just wondering if you have any plans for today."

Connor looks over at the math book on his desk. "I have some homework to do, so I'm afraid I can't meet up today."

She bites her lip. "Oh. Well, that's okay. I have to clean my room anyway."

"We can still hang out another day, right?"

"Yeah, sure..."

They both remain silent, waiting for the other to put an end to their suffering. At last Connor summons his courage and speaks, his voice nearly breaking.

"Well, guess I'll see you soon. Bye."

Ella's heart breaks as the line goes silent. Maybe she just isn't important to him anymore.

Connor steadies himself against his bookshelf, his phone slipping out of his hands and dropping to the floor.

Their sudden realizations, on both parts, has made them wary of each other's presence.

For Ella, it's not even about Connor. It's the fact that he likes her no matter what; even when he shouldn't. She's his monster, and she's worse when she's around him. Also, he's another thing she needs to live up to, and it tears her apart.

In Connor's case, it really is Ella. She doesn't encourage him to fight his depression, mostly because Ella is too focused on her own problems. She likes him for who he is, depression and all, which results in him fighting with everyone else he cares about because they're not the same.

Though they can't see it right now, they've done good things for each other too. Ella's made Connor realize that human interaction doesn't always have to be bad. It's made him open and social, and willing to give people a chance. It's also made him realize he should do things he loves, like taking up art classes after school instead of playing on the basketball team, but only because he hates it, not because he wants to retaliate.

Connor's taught Ella that the best version of herself she can be is the completely honest one. And although she can't be herself to a hundred percent in school because she'd probably get bullied, she knows it's better not to pretend, because that's like bullying yourself.

♡

They did not speak after that night. Only once, three weeks after the phone conversation, did Connor text Ella to say:

Connor
It's over, right?

And Ella simply answered:

Ella
I'm sorry

♡

April 3rd, 5.34 PM

Ella stops dead in her tracks as her eyes travel from her phone screen to where Connor is staring at her from the opposite side of the street. For a moment, everything surrounding them seems to fade away. They remember nights from months ago; how they used to fall asleep on each other's shoulders and how nothing else seemed to matter when they were together.

Ella raises her hand and waves at him, almost like he's a stranger or an acquaintance. Connor nods vaguely as he notices the sad smile playing on her lips. 

At that moment, they both realize all stories don't have happy endings. Sometimes stories end in tears and pain. Sometimes, they end in a way that makes you feel hollow. But the thing about stories is that they never really end, they just change.

Their story is tragic, heartbreaking some might say.

They both continue down the street, their heads held high, their walks just a little more confident than usual, but most importantly, they think, and their hearts crack just slightly;

I'll always love him.

I'll always love her.

But I love myself more.

The End

Coffee
At
5 A.M.

By
LenaHal

∞♡∞

Published 3/4-2019

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There's an ending to every beginning