Coffee at 5 AM √

Chapter 9 ∞ Ella: Frustration

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"Are we going to the fair?" he asks, but I don't answer. "Please don't tell me we're going to go on the Ferris-wheel. Then when we're at the top we'll confess our eternal love for each other."

"Sorry, Connor, wrong story," I say, smiling to myself. "We're not going to the fair, we're just kind of going to pass through it."

"Can't you at least win me a teddy bear?"

"Sorry, no can do."

My grip on his hand tightens as I lead him through the fairgrounds. Everywhere people are smiling and laughing, most of them having a good time, some of them pretending to. I feel really good about being part of the former group. For once I don't need to pretend or make up excuses to leave. Connor is really funny and cute and probably the best guy I've ever met. I know, I know, I've only known him for a week and so on, but I already know him. I might not know his life or his experiences, but I know what makes him smile, and I know that when no one's looking he always gets lost in thought and that he isn't always cute and happy, I've noticed those parts too.

I stop at a stand and buy a huge cotton candy before leading him down to the beach. We walk for a while before we get to my favorite thinking place, right below a big cliff. I can tell he's been here before. Not by looking at him, because it's so dark that I can only see his silhouette, but by the way he moves.

"Why did you choose this place?"

"I don't know, it's secluded from everything else but still connected to reality. I guess I like coming here because you can be alone without feeling lonely."

"I come here too sometimes. It's really peaceful and there's seldom anyone else here," he answers.

I look at him and smile. "Do you know why I like you?"

"No. Why?"

"Because you use words like seldom in regular sentences," I chuckle and lean my head on his shoulder.

It doesn't take long before his arm finds its way around my waist. Sitting here, without a worry in the world, I realize I feel completely safe. Invincible.  As long as I'm here with Connor everything will be okay, I just know it. My parents told me that they like him already just this morning, and they haven't even met him yet. My dad thought it was super sweet of him to buy me flowers and my mom loves him for coming back and fighting for me, even if he messed up. They also said something about me seeming happier.

Connor shifts to lean his chin on the top of my head. I can feel that he has something to say, and just like that, I'm nervous. Invincible Ella; not so invincible after all. He strokes a few strands of my hair behind my ears and pulls me even closer. My worries dissolve immediately as he opens his mouth and whispers into my ear:

"I think I really like you."

"I think I really like you too."

I bury my head in the warmth of his coat, taking in his comforting scent. He smells like bonfires and rain, basically the typical smells of fall. At this moment I can't see how I've ever been unhappy. I cannot fathom how I've let things hurt me or break me or make me feel useless. Because right now, right here, I matter. I know I do. Nothing will ever take that away from me. I don't even feel happy, not really. I feel like I'm in this everlasting state of serenity, which isn't too bad either.

"Can you believe we've only known each other for a week?" I whisper, my voice almost drowned out by the ocean.

Connor pulls me even closer and kisses the top of my head. "A week? Whatever do you mean? I've known you my entire life."