Coffee at 5 AM √

Chapter 13 ∞ Ella: Fights

           

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"So how was it? Isn't Hazel Grace just amazing? And Gus, right? If I were hetero, I'd be all over that."

Adam leans his head against the palm of his hand. "Not sure how Lauren feels about that."

Jess punches him in the arm and laughs. "So, Ella, any opinions?"

"Huh?" I'm taken from my daze of cheek kisses and sunflowers.

Jess groans in annoyance. "The Fault in Our Stars! Haven't you finished it yet?"

"About that... I returned it to the library," I dismiss casually.

Jess doesn't say anything, but I see her fist tighten on top of the table. Her reaction doesn't scare me, but my lack of concern and compassion does. I pick up my phone to avoid the awkwardness, not even bothering to unlock it.

Finally, she clears her throat. "Why did you return it? I mean, even if you didn't want to read it right now, aren't you going to want to later?"

"Don't know, maybe," I say, shrugging

"Ella, did you sleep bad or something? Because you're being kind of mean..." Adam says, voice low and cautious.

I shake my head, take a deep breath and bury my head in my hands. Being their friend, and Connor's girlfriend, and my parent's daughter, and the popular girl... when will I get to be me? When I look at them again, Jess is facing the other direction and Adam's looking at me with some sort of disappointment in his eyes.

"Jess, I'll try to read it before we graduate. I just have a lot on my plate right now, school, grades, sleep, other things, boys-" I gasp as I realize my mistake.

Their eyes widen in sync. "Boys? What boys?"

"What's his name? Or their names?"

Jess claps her hands. "Oh, is he the tall, brooding type or more of a bookish cutie?"

"No, no, I didn't mean boys as in actual boys. Just boys in general. You know how it is, they either terrorize you, ignore you or adore you. I kind of hate them," I roll my eyes dramatically and sigh.

But then my thoughts drift off again, this time actually focusing on boys. Connor, lovely Connor. I love his smile. Also, he told me it's rare for him to smile, so it's pretty much exclusive to me. And I love how his hair feels when I run my hands through it, and how he makes me laugh with some of his odd choices of words. I love him.

Jess snaps her fingers in front of my face, causing me to jump. "So, it's fine for you to be distracted for a day, but I'd prefer it if you don't start a conversation with me that you then decide to abandon when I start to bore you. I'll see you in chem, and I seriously hope you can talk to me by then," she leaves, a hint of anger in her step.

My eyes shut, and my calm, blue, bedroom walls appear.

I lay sprawled out on my bed and watch the stars through my window. It's a fairly serene Friday night, not a lot of noise outside.

I wonder if Jess was really mad with me earlier, and I seriously hope not. Yes, ignoring her might've been slightly rude, but it's not like I was doing it on purpose! My thoughts have been totally scattered all week. Ever since Connor and I became official there's no getting him off my mind. It's been about a month and a half since I met him, and when I stumbled into the café that morning I had no idea this would happen.

My phone starts buzzing. I fall off the bed in pure terror.

"Jesus Christ, Satan's tail!" I pant, clutching my chest.