Friendship

Not The Time!!

A/N: The Picture above is the suit Emily is wearing to the funeral.

Emily's P.O.V

Today I say goodbye to my baby boy for good, today I have to get up infront of a lot of people and say a speech. Today had come to soon and I am not even remotely close to being ready for this, enotionally I am broken, physically I am exhausted and in a general sense I feel like a shell of myself.

I stand in front of the full length mirror, looking up and down, my tie feels to tight, my jacket feels to tight, everything feels like its suffocating me, even my chest wont stretch to allow myself the air I need. I grib my tie pulling it away from my throat. I can't do this. Forget it. Im staying home. I say to myself.

"Em's?" I turn around to see Ali standing in the door way a look of concern on her face. Without Ali I honestly don't know how Lauren, Sophia, Julia and I would have even made it to this point. She is being our emotional support, I know she is hurting too but she has stayed strong and allowed us to use her shoulder to break down on.

"I can't Ali" I say as tears start to pool into my eyes. She gives me a sad smile before stepping into the room. Taking the tie, I just ripped off, from my hand.

"Yes you can Em's" She says lifting the collar of my button up shirt. "You are strong, you are brave and you aren't alone" She says to me as she re-does my tie. Tightening it gently around my throat before her hands fall to my shoulder. "We are here Emily, you aren't alone. I promise you that" She states pressing her lips to my cheek, using her thumb to wipe away the light pink lipstick she had left behind.

"What if I can't make it through the  eulogy?" I say to her, not having as much faith in myself as she seems to have in me.

"Then we will help you, you don't have to do all this on your own" She says and I give her nod. She pulls me into her arms, my head resting on her shoulder, my chest no where near as tight as before. You can do this! I tell myself, giving myself enough confidence to pull away from Ali.

I grab her hand and walk down to the lounge room. I drop Ali's hand to walk to Lauren, her arm wrapping around my waist as her head rests on my shoulder. I don't think any of us are ready for today.

We ride in silence to the funeral home, the only sound from the radio playing music quietly. There are people already here as me turn up. Most of the Thorns and USWNT is here and a fair few Orlando Pride team mates.

I get out, playing my part as everyone does the whole 'I'm sorry for your loss' as they shake your hand. I hated this part of funeral's, like why do i habe to stand her and thank people for there condolences, they shouldn't be having to give me any!! Luca should still be here!!

We wait outside the funeral, watching as the hearse pulls up. I'm not ready for this, yet I step towards the vehicle as it pulls up. My heart stops briefly and I feel a wave of sickness wash over me as I see just how small the coffin is. My boy shouldn't be in there. Parents are meant to die before there children. Why did the world do this to me!

Sophia and I grip the front of the coffin ,after at has been wheeled out, Alex and Ali taking a side each at the back. I let my tears fall freely down my cheeks as we lift the coffin onto our shoulders. We walk in sync into the funeral, laying my boy gently at the front of the hall. I place my hand on top of the coffin. "I love you" I say to him before I step back letting the flower arrangement get placed carefully ontop of the brown sleek coffin.

I take me seat in the front row, Lauren with Malia in her arms on one side, my sister in the other. I can't focus on anything the man says as he talks about why we are here. My focus is on the small paper in my hand, with Luca's beautiful smiling face on the front.