memories to live

The bittersweet

The next is my first birthday after our love. Me and Mridul both are excited equally. We both made a plan to stay awake whole night but due to my lab external on next day I have to take some rest. Since I'm from a rural background there was no birthday celebrations in late nights. It's almost 10pm. We both are as usual chatting.

Mridul: what's tomorrow's plan?
Me: just attending my lab and back to home. I want you here tomorrow, I wish you can travel for me.
Mridul: so sweet baby, I will surely visit but once you done with your exams. I'm also missing you so much.
Me: I wish at least next year you can join nearby college, please do well in entrance exams.
Mridul: I can't say no to the birthday baby wish. I want to ask something serious, can I?
Me: oh, it's seems my love wants permission to know something. Okay ask.
Mridul: are you virgin?

I didn't expect this question from him, that to on this time. I don't know what to answer, I felt I should say everything to him. But I don't want to lose him at any cost of my life. I decided to say everything to him. I went offline, and I started to type my past. After few minutes he started to call me but I didn't respond to it. He even apologized, but I still ignored everything and kept busy in my past.

My past: that time I was 8, absolutely don't know the meaning of life. I was studying in a government school. One day a boy aged around 18+ came to me and took me saying that he will give chocolates. But I didn't know his intension, and he really misused me. Before he makes me completely naked I escaped from there. From that I hate men, I had fear of the word men itself. I even didn't mingle much with my father also.

I didn't share this with anyone, because I thought my parents will scold me and I didn't have any idea about what I had undergone. At the age when I understand it I had been in circumstance of this society, the way how it's going to treat the raped girl. I didn't have the courage to say it to anyone.
And Rahul is one of my friend on Facebook, I became close to him, when I said these all things to him, he felt sorry for me. For the first time I got a shoulder to all my pains. I started love him but he misused me. He always used to sex chat with me. And again, I faced a failure. Shrey is the one who made me comfort in life. He consoled my pain, but from few days he is avoiding me. I really didn't have any feelings for him, but since he helped me a lot I couldn't reject his feelings.

So, what you want me to do now? Do you want stay with me? Will you accept this so-called bitch from the society? Will your love be same for rest of my life? Will you forgive me?

I sent this message to Mridul. He read it instantly. I still didn't reply for his previous messages.

Mridul: fuck off the world. Sorry for this question. Yes, my answer will be always yes. I will be beside you for all your pain and happiness. I really love you.
Me: I'm sorry for all these things. I will text you after an hour.

He instantly asked me to not stay alone but later he didn't disturbed me. After an hour I replied him.
Me: are you there?
Mridul: close your eyes and listen to this voice note.

He had sent me voice note. It says about my birthday celebration and it's like this:
Sorry for last few hours, I destroyed your birthday but trust me I'm happy for your love. I want to be with you right now, I want to make you feel special. You are the best thing happened to me after my parents. Forget your past. My small wish for you, since I couldn't be with you there, I will say what would have done if I was with you now.

Think that we are roaming in the city. At 12 I would have on my knees with a bouquet. You are standing in front of me. I will ask you that will you be love for rest of my life. For that you will say a yes. After I had made your face full of cake. And believe I'm a great romantic lover. I love you, from this onwards I will call you as Janu. I really love you Janu. Wish you many more happy returns of the day in advance.

Me: your voice is so cute just like you. and thanks for being in my life. I love you too Shona.

He was waiting for clock to strike 12 and we were counting seconds for it. Before he could call me Shrey called me. Shrey made my first birthday wish, I didn't reply him and disconnected the call.
Mridul asked sorry because he couldn't make first wish.

We texted for some more time and slept.

Faith is love and once you lost it, it's gone. Be honest in your relationship, for the moments it may hurt you sometimes make you feel low but if the love is true it's not going to end.