memories to live

TOUGH PHASE

I controlled my emotions for few days, it's almost my exams time. I had to go through this or else I'm going to ruin my life. Somehow, I took the courage, for a change I went to Mysore for a workshop even though I have exams to face within a week. The trip to Mysore helped me a lot, I had managed to get passing grades in all subject. It almost helped me for a month to control myself.

In June I again failed to stand against my emotions, even though he had hurt me I couldn't avoid the feelings for him. Whatever I think from eating to career, they leads me to thoughts about him. I again contacted him through messenger from a new account.
Me: I have tried enough to stay away from you but I couldn't succeed. I'm not here to ask you stay with me but I request you to stay at least as a friend till I can manage myself.
He was not online, I kept on waiting, at last around 10pm he came online.

Mridul: I know it takes time to move on but I'm helpless in this. Even though I still have feelings for you I can't stay with you. Please stay away from me.
Me: please don't do like this, I need you and I really mean you.
Mridul: whatever I'm doing now has a reason, just remember the things my family had faced in my brother's matter. So, stay away please.
Me: we have taken the promise right that we will marry with our parents' permission?
Mridul: do you think its going to happen? I know about my family, we can't do that.
Me: why not? I'm going to convince everyone but please just stay with me.
Mridul: are you mad? I'm really sorry for what all I have done to you. Just concentrate on your career, I'm blocking you, bye.

He has made his decision, no one can change it. I don't know what bothering him so much, everything still unclear. Does his brother story making him to take this decision?

His brother phase (5 years before)

His brother name is Arjun, he joined IIT Kanpur. When he was in second year he fell in love with a Kerala girl. I don't what made him to make such a move so early, within few months of their love he married her. Mridul's family came to know about this and they literally kicked him out of their house half nakedly. Then somehow with the help of his uncle he managed to finish his studies, he had got job in USA. So, they settled in USA, after few years they came to India for vacation. They thought that their families going to accept their relation if they settle, but it didn't happen like that. Mridul is the only person from his family who stayed in contact with Arjun after all this. Mridul met Arjun in Bangalore once, within a week of this Mridul got death news his brother Arjun. Arjun had met with an accident and he is no more now.

So, the family had faced the bad face of love once, this made them cruel towards the love. I can't say who had committed the mistake, Arjun could have managed things in better way or their parents could have understood things but now it all happened. Mridul can't convince his parents because of his brother's past neither he could move on, he somehow managed to have a fake life. He had to work to make his parents to believe him, so he completely avoiding me. somewhere I failed to understand things, I started to contact him in all possible ways. Each time when he avoided me I got into depression more. I used to fall asleep while reading our old conversations or listening to his voice notes. I started to live in hope thinking that one day he will come back.

I stopped to attend functions, every celebration makes me miss him more. The way to my college makes me more emotional by remembering all those moments I had spent with him. I used to search his social accounts at least once in a day, so that I can get some updates. Most of the time I used to cry whole night, his memories started haunt me in the dreams also. I used to search for him in dreams but ended up with a disappointment. I have to make my choice, or else its never going to end.
I had none during this phase of life, I have fight all alone. I had no other option other than self-motivation. I used to read books to avoid his memories but ended up finding one of moments which I had with him. The songs, food, work whatever the thing I choose to do leads to him. I had no choice than facing this tough life. I accepted the life as it comes.