memories to live

END

I saw him coming, as soon as he entered the canteen area I couldn't control myself. I ran to him and I hugged him. There was no limit for my happiness, I was on cloud nine. Seeing him after a year is everything to me, the end to my pain, the re-start of my life. I was melting for his hotness, after a long time I’m listening to his heart beats which I dreamt of. Being in his arms mean so much to me, I felt the completeness. The hope came real, the void is no more, after all its him. Its took few seconds him to response to my action, he hugged me so tight for a second.

I don’t know what happened but I felt his tears on my shoulder, he was crying. I took a step back to see in his eyes, for my shock he is not crying, he stood there silently. It took me few seconds to realize that it’s raining. Everyone rushed to find shelter whereas me, Mridul stood there. The whether so good, I’m with Mridul in rain, its love. But Mridul not yet opened his eyes, I was about tap on his chest when he asked me to stop.
Mridul: why are you here?
Me: I missed you a lot, I really can’t do that. Its your day my love, happy birthday. I waited a year for this day. I know you….
Mridul: just stop your crazy thoughts, its all happened. Now I don’t want to be with you, just go.
Me: hey say what happened? I’ll take care of rest of things, just say that you love me.
Mridul: I don’t love you anymore, I’m not saying it because of anyone, it’s all you who did the things wrong, you have so many pasts which I can’t accept. Whoever it is may be the Rahul or Shrey or that unknown childhood guy, I can’t accept you.
Me: please say the truth, I know you are lying.
Mridul: why should I lie, you are shit. So many relationships, oh my god. I wonder why you are still alive? I don’t want to leave my family because of you bitch, now you are nothing to me. I was so blind that time so that I accepted you. Now I’m done with you, I’ll be happy without you. don’t destroy my day, get out of my sight.

Me: thanks for everything from the day one to today and sorry for everything from myside.

I fell on my knees, he left. I was crying, my dreams shattered all at once. I have no idea what made him to stop loving me, that time he had accepted my past, is that a lie? Is what all happened is fake? He called me shit, does he mean it? I couldn’t find answer for my questions. I followed him, which lead me a hotel.

I saw him with few elder people, then I realized that its his family. I saw his happiness, he was so happy. I stood there almost for an hour, he used to play with his nephew. His mother feed him with her hands, his father hugged him and had tears in his eyes. Someone tapped me from behind, its his sister.
 
She: oh, you are here, sorry for everything he had done. He couldn’t accept you.
Me: its okay, hope he will be happy.
She: good luck, just move on.

I got what she said, she doesn’t like me to be over there. I walked out of hotel, there I saw Kowshik.
He hugged me, I burst out all at once. There is nothing that can stop me, my hopes, dreams are no more now. I dreamt of being with him, now I’m noting more than shit to him. He had no love for me, he has nothing for me not even the hate. He is everything to me whereas I’m nothing to him.

Today is the absolute worst day ever
And don’t try to convince me that
There is something good in everyday
Because, when you take a closer look,
This world is pretty evil place.
Even if
Some goodness does shine through once in a while
Satisfaction and happiness don’t last
And it’s not true that
It’s all in mind and heart

He took me back to the hotel where I find the room decorated full with flowers, I went the corner of the room and sat silently.
Kowshik: sorry I couldn’t help you. don’t be like this, just cry all aloud, you have to go through this.

He couldn’t say much, he left the room door closed. I stick to my thoughts, I didn’t cry more. There is nothing I could do. The silence in the room start to haunt me, I kept silent. Its kept-on raining for the whole night, I don’t know when I fell asleep. Its almost 11 am when kowshik called me, we had train at 2pm. When I stretched my hand, I realized that I’m bleeding. Yep I had no control over me, I had a cut on my wrist, I barely reached for Kowshik who is near the reception. I fell on him, then I don’t realize the things with me. I don’t remember anything other than Mridul.