memories to live

NEW YEAR

We are still in the hangover of our meet, the meet made us much closer. We are close such extent mean we used to quarrel about our favorite porn stars. The love has its way, we are mean each other now. We are ready to face the world. We dreamed about our feature with much more confidence and love. We have become the prior each other. The season is so romantic, which made us to miss more.

An evening he came out on as usual walk, a way to talk to me for a longer time. We were somewhat romantic may be because of the weather.

Mridul: I missing so badly, I want to have you in my arms.

Me: so bad, I miss you too. Sorry for being so away. But say me why are missing me so much today?

Mridul: it’s not like that, I miss you always even if you are beside me. I want you so much close such that I can hear your thoughts on my mind. But yes, I missing you much more than other time because today here all couples are much closer which is tempting me.

Me: oh, like that. Okay close your eyes and feel that I’m with you. say your thoughts now.

Mridul: you shouldn’t stop me in middle, if so I’ll say. Will you?

Me: okay, I won’t stop.

Mridul: you are with me, in my arms. My hands are around your waist clutching you so tight. You can feel the warmth of my body. I’m looking into your eyes which are so mischievous, I bring my face close to your face. You are going to close your eyes expecting a lip-lock. Now I’m not going to kiss on your lips, I will kiss some more deep down, guess? Yeah, I’m going kiss on your neck. Then I will going lock your lips, and then you feel my hands movements which are out of control.

He was literally tempting me, I was in bus. Beside me there was a guy who kept on gazing because of the way I was blushing. Within few minutes I couldn’t control myself and interrupted his thoughts. He felt disappointed but didn’t show that, he knew I will be in public where I need to be normal.

The next day is new year, the first year of our relationship. We didn’t make any plans to meet again since we know that plans are not going to succeeded always. We wished to make first special wish. He said he couldn’t text me in the night because he will be with his friends, but he will wish me @12. I didn’t argue for the special night chat, I understood that because of me his priorities can’t change.

I went to bed but didn’t get sleep, I started to remember what all happened. He is the best thing ever happened to me. The love towards him is unconditional, I can’t avoid any thought about him. I still regret for my past but I have almost overcome it. he is the one to me, I don’t need any promises to prove it. Well I want the things to be smooth always like the we are now. The only hope I have for now in my life is him.

The clock strike 12 but I didn’t get any message, I dropped him a new year wish. I waited for few more minutes but didn’t get any message. I was about to sleep when I got the message, he was so drunk. He hardly able to record the wish, the voice was not clear. I heard it more than twenty time. I fall asleep with his voice in my mind.
The next morning, I dropped him a voice note conveying the new year wish. I can see the double blue ticks but I felt sad because he didn’t reply me. I thought maybe he is in still hangover. I waited for hours for his reply but didn’t get any. I messaged around 2pm but didn’t get any reply again. I kept on texting.

Me: it seems the party is still going on. Is there any way you can talk to me?
Me: is there anything which making you to avoid me?
Me: please reply, I’m tired of waiting.

After an hour he called me, as usual he wished me but I can sense the sadness in his voice.

Me: do you really love me? say me the truth.
Mridul: if you want to go you can, I don’t have any issues with you.

I shattered hearing his words, what does he mean. Does it mean he don’t want me? he could have said before right? Does he is avoiding me because of my past? If so he could have said it that day itself. Why these all? Is it all true? I didn’t cry this time, I sat in my room near the window lost in my thoughts. After an hour I checked my phone, I had several missed calls from him. I got the call again, I received it but kept silent. He apologized for the things, he was just kidding about that. I didn’t talk to for hours. After so many apologizes I talked to him. I asked him not to do like this.

From that day I started to live in the fear, the fear of losing him. I know it’s not good in relationship but you can’t avoid it. when you will love a person to such an extent you will face it. most of the people call it as jealous, but it’s not the jealous. It’s all about the fear, we have it because we love truly. So, try to understand the things in the way they are, it’s okay to have fight, misunderstandings but make sure they will make your bond stronger.