memories to live

Rollercoaster

Almost after 2 days he came to consciousness, his brother arranged him a laptop so that he don’t get bored. With his sister help, he somehow started to message me. we used to do video chats, but we couldn’t chat for long time. Sometimes he used to fall asleep while texting, somehow, I got adjusted with his new routine.

It took two weeks for him walk with someone help, day by day he is getting better and I’m happy for it. we planned to meet in Bangalore in may thinking that everything will be okay by that time. It took a month to be normal

14th March 2017

The day is not different, as usual I dropped him messages and left for college. That day we didn’t texted frequently, hardly around 3-4 messages for hour. I had a long day in the college, it ended at 4.30pm. as soon as I left the college I dialed his number but didn’t get any reply, I thought maybe he is still sleeping because of his heavy dosage medicines.
Around 5pm, I he came online.
Mridul: nothing much, I can’t handle this relationship anymore. So, let’s end.
Me: why are you feeling in that way? Is anything wrong with me?
Mridul: my family came to know about our relationship and they said its too early for being in relationship and you know about this inter-caste thing right. Don’t try to contact me anymore, just move on.

(I don’t know what to reply for this, but I really don’t want to mess up this time.)
ME: its okay, have a great life ahead. Take care of yourself.

After this he blocked me, I started to look out of window. The weather is suitable for the situation with Arjith Singh’s music, again a thunderstorm in life. I don’t why I didn’t cry that neither I didn’t try to know the things with him. It took me a month to realize that I love him more than anything. 

29th April 2017
I had no control over my emotion, I called him from a new number. As soon as he got to know its me he ended up the call saying that he doesn’t want to talk to me. I dropped few messages asking him to talk to me for once, as soon as he read I got his reply.
Mridul: what’s up now?
Me: can I wish you tomorrow?
Mridul: look, don’t live in the past. It’s all ended, I don’t want screw my birthday with again listening your voice. I’m almost moved on, don’t make my life scary. Just stay away from me.
Me: sorry for the disturbance, good luck.

For few days I started to stay alone, I used to cry under the blankets without making any noise. I feared to look at my face in mirror, totally I lost the faith in life. I hesitate to share this with anyone, almost I had lost touch with the ones who are close to me. I used to skip my food, become weak both mentally and physically. I was there without anyone’s help undergoing all alone. I lost control over my life.

15th may 2017
I had bought few more new SIMs so that I can talk to him.
Around 11pm I called him, but this time also he ended up the call knowing it’s me.

It made me weaker, I started to search for my mistakes but ended up finding I’m the mistake in his life. So many random thoughts, did he had said the truth? Or did he left me because he had find someone better than me? or did he leave me because of my past? If so he should have stayed away on the I said it, what’s wrong with me?