the recovery project [2]

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fiona

"welcome to the manhattan psychiatric center," a woman in all white sends her a heartwarming, tight-lipped smile. she holds a fresh pair of sweatpants and a white t-shirt. "i'll lead you to your room."

they walk along the halls, white, white, and more white. there are no colors, and when she arrives at her room, her only window is the size of her head.

"get changed," the nurse says, her voice still filled with cheerfulness. "then meet me outside and i'll lead you to dr. martin."

fiona closes the door, shucks her clothes off and her new ones on, and glances around her room. it's minuscule, but enough to fit two beds, for her and her roommate, apparently.

sighing, she follows the nurse down even more hallways, and she notes everything; the office doors with no sound coming from them, the bathrooms which appear to be decent, the cafeteria flooded with people like her in their sweatpants and t-shirts... it's a lot to take in.

"fiona, it's a pleasure to meet you," another woman, dr. martin, sticks her hand out to shake hers, sitting down in her chair behind the desk to analyze the patient.

fiona has analyzed her clients too, learned when to cut herself off from openness in order to create lies if necessary. "it's a pleasure to meet you, too."

"why don't you tell me why you're here?" dr. martin asks, even though she knows the answer. her white coat makes her look official, makes her appear to have authority. she probably loves the power.

the younger of the two shrugs, attempting to play it cool even though it stirs the guilt and sadness inside of her. "boyfriend died in an accident."

"must make you feel remorseful, right?"

"what do you want me to say?" fiona spits, hands tightening in her lap. "talking about this won't make anything better!"

she feels like a child, and she can tell dr. martin is thinking the same thing. the woman sets something in front of her— a small blue pill and a dixie cup holding water. "why don't we start with this?"

"i'm not taking that until i know what it is and if it's fda-approved. i want to know the ingredients and—"

"miss letkum," she says. "please take the pill. it will make you feel better."

fiona grabs the pill and swallows it dry.