Changes | Lams ✔️

Chapter- 18

Johns POV

I looked at the bag that i got from the store downtown. It had brand new clothing inside. Of course, the changing ordeal sounded stupid, but it's gonna be fine. What could possibly go wrong anyway? I opened the bag and it revealed a black shirt with pink shorts. Oh hell yes. I put them on my bed and returned to my body mirror. The sun beginning to set, so i could possibly wear it tomorrow in school. So me being myself wasn't really working so james decided it was best for me to go all out. And i accept and appreciate his decision. I took my socks off, grabbed my speaker and iphone, and hopped in the bathroom like a little girl. The coldness of the floor sending chills in my back. I grabbed a razer and some shaving cream and jumped on the sink sitting in front of the mirror. I've never shaved only but my arms, and if i cut myself, it'll be the end of the world for me. I bent over and plugged my speaker in my phone and played 'lights down low' Really loud. The 'take it slow put it down on me' blaring until the windows shook.

After i was done with my legs, having cut myself on accident a few times, i grabbed a new pair of white socks, gray short-shorts, and a black shirt.

I feel like a girl, but im not wanting to be one. Dressing differently doesn't make me any less of a guy. Neither does being gay. It just means i'm doing things a girl would do, not being one.. Right? Its like someone saying They Are being black, you can't be a color dumbass, i think you mean a type of personality, cause there are plenty. So be yourself. But i cant talk. Either way, i still have something in between my legs. And that's all that matters at this point.

I hopped in the bed and crisscrossed. I grabbed some nail polish that was also in the bag. I painted them blue. The smell of fingernail polish remover and nail polish stung my room. I didnt wanna make people upset over it, so i kept my window open instead. But when i looked outside i saw alexander. God what does he want? I don't wanna talk to him because he'll keep telling me to be myself and all that bullshit. And besides, its like nine. Why is he out so late? I climbed through the window and reached for a branch, i scraped my leg a few times but i didn't care, i was a bad basic bitch. I plopped down in the middle of the tree.

"Alexander, how nice of you to stop by and visit this part of town.~" I cooed crossing my arms. He looked up at me and came closer. I crossed my legs at the chilly wind that started to settle in."At nine o'clock to be exact." I finished.

"Why- what are you- how?" He asked putting his hand on the tree. I smirked and used my force to jump and land on my feet. My gaze rested on my feet for a few minutes before i looked up at him. He wore his jacket of course, And it smelled different. yummy.

"Just changing up at bit y'know?" He put his hand on his forehead and shook his head. Whose this man to tell me how to dress? My mom that died? Or my father who suspects nothing of it? I'm not attracting alexander's attention. Nor, anyone else's. Just myself.

He bit his lip and stared at everything but me."Look, i don't know why your doing this, or why all a sudden you wanna change for the greater good, but whatever the reason is...we still loved you for you." As he fiddled with his hands i backed up and leaned against the tree. He can't possibly be serious? I understand this is new for him, but he's gonna have to get used to it. It's not like he cares about me anyways.

Just one little situation on the couch and he acts like nothing happened? I care about it- i really do. But he's probably gonna hook up with someone else without asking me about what happened. So since he's ignoring the situation, i will too. I'll change everything and go on like nothing ever happened. But still, i didnt get over the fact that he said 'Loved' what is this? A game? Cause i can play as hard as possible

"Loved?" I scoffed. He popped up like he'd seen a cat get hit by a car."John you know we lov-"

"Don't try to change this alexander you can keep your words to yourself. Its ok for you not to like me for being myself."

"Being yourself?! John look at yourself. When you first came to school you were this innocent, shy guy. Now you look like a hoe!"

"Hey! I am NOT, Just..Just shut up alex you don't run my life and never will, matter a-fact you should of ever joined in! Your not some- person who can j-just come in and ruin my future!" I had tears threatening to pore out but didnt wanna cry. Besides that fact that I was in my own hole that i dug myself. But alexander shouldn't tell someone how to live. My knuckles were turning white and my face was becoming red with frustration .

"Then why'd you say you loved me? Was it just some way to ruin what i had planned too?"

"And what was that exactly?" I asked with a shaky, hoarse, voice. Keeping tears in as hard as i could.

"I wanted to be with you, i wanted to stay with you forever, but seeing you've changed.. I can't.. I just can't.. I don't like people for their looks.. But for their personality and you have a shitty one john."

Then i punched him.