Forbidden Love | Reylo Fanfiction

37. Left To Die

"Ben?"

There was a silence that felt like forever. Silence gnawed at my insides. Silence hung in the air like the suspended moment before a falling glass shatters on the ground. The silence was like a gaping void, needing to be filled with sounds, words, anything. The silence was poisonous in it's nothingness. The silence was eerily unnatural, like a dawn devoid of birdsong. Silence clung to me like a poisonous cloud that at any moment could choke the life from me. Silence seeped into my every pore, like a poison slowly paralyzing me from either speech or movement.

He turned around slowly, our eyes meeting. My heart jumped a little, I was nervous. So very nervous. He just glared at me, not saying anything. I shuffled forward slightly, carefully thinking of my words. I don't know what to say. I don't want to say anything stupid. I didn't want to mess this up. And so I step forwards, only a little, but I do. My breath is shaky and I try to calm myself by breathing but it doesn't work and so I just speak. "Ben, I-" I start to speak but I can't finish my sentence, my tears choke me, preventing me from saying anything else. I just stood there, tears pouring down my face like a broken dam. Damn it, Rey! Why can't I speak?

"You left me to die!" His shout startled me, I wasn't expecting that. His eyes were angry, lost. I stood there in utter shock. My body took a few steps back, my head shaking. That wasn't true. I hadn't left him to die. That wasn't true. I thought he was dead, I mourned over him for weeks. I missed him. I had beat myself up over my stupid mistake of crashing that god damn ship. I was convinced that I had killed him, that I had killed the one person that understood me. One of the only people that showed an ounce of care. Why would I kill him? Why on earth would I kill him?

"No, that's not true!" I cry in protest, he can't seriously think that. He can't think that I left him to die, he can't think that. It's not fair. I didn't. I genuinely thought that he had died, I was heart broken. I had broken so many people. I had broken myself!

"No Rey, you left me to die!" He screamed back, turning around and hitting a tree repeatedly with his fist. I shook my head in disbelief. "Ben, I thought you were dead!" I cry, walking closer to him. I'm not scared of him. I have no reason to be scared, he won't hurt me. He turns around, to look at me. My eyes shift to his knuckle, it's covered with blood, speckled with dirt.  "You're lying. You didn't even try and find me Rey! You just fucking left." He snaps back, shaking his head. Then it hit me. Everyone had left Ben. His Father, his mother, his uncle and now me. Then the sadness rolls over, maybe they're his emotions, maybe they're mine. But nether the less they arrive and I feel awful. He had trusted that I would be there and I wasn't. I wasn't even on the planet. He must have felt so alone.

This time I just stayed silent. The nausea swirled unrestrained in my empty stomach. My head swamed with half-formed regrets. My heart felt as if my blood had become tar as it struggled to keep a steady beat. My melancholy mood hung over me like a black cloud, raining my personal sorrow down on me. Even the colours of the galaxy today were draining, falling to a grey ash. Flames, burning away at everything bright. It was almost as if the filter had been removed from the world. I saw everything as it was. The sun, a ball of fire. The rain, a deep sorrow. The wind, a desperate cry for help in this hell forbidden galaxy. I had really tried.

"I have spent every single day thinking about you. I have been beating myself up for thinking that I killed you, Ben! Who do you think you are?" I croak, turning away from him. I can't do this. I can't face this. I'm done with this. I'm done with everything. And so I did what I had to do. I walked away. I walked all the way back to the base, to the dining hall. Part of me hoped that he would call my name. Apologise to me. Even just stop me, even if no words came out. But I knew that he wouldn't. This was it. This was the hard, cold truth. This was Kylo Ren. This was the man I met in the forest all those years ago. This wasn't Ben.

As I entered the dining hall, I saw Leia seated with Luke. Both their heads turned to me as I entered the room, I quickly made my way over to them. Leia's face lit up with hundreds of questions, her son was alive. She must feel amazing. "He's alive." I say quietly, sitting opposite them. Leia's face glows, she's beaming. I can almost feel the happiness bouncing off of her. "Oh my god!" She smiles with delight, tears running to her eyes and racing down her cheek. I didn't want to tell her, I didn't want to be selfish. But I couldn't help it. "He hates me. He thinks I left him to die." I add, looking to the floor. I feel Leia and Luke give me a sympathetic look but I don't react. I just look up and smile. It was okay. "I'm okay." I sigh, brushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"Rey, darling." I hear Lucas behind me and I turn to see him, his arm extended. I stand up, taking his arm. Leia looks up at me and smiles, "Ah, Lucas. Nice to see you again, how are you?" Lucas just smiles at Leia and walks away, not even bothering to answer her question.

"That was rude, Lucas." I stated, taking my hand from his. He just stood there, not saying anything. "What is wrong with you?" I ask, crossing my arms. He was so rude. "What's wrong with me?" He scoffs, rolling his eyes. "You. You've been so distant with me, Rey. He's back, isn't he?"

I stand there, shocked. What does he mean? How does he know about Ben? "What?" I ask, simply shook. Lucas shakes his head, "Leia's son, the one with the bitch of a girlfriend." He has to be kidding me right now. Lucas is jealous. "Lucas, stop this. You've had enough to drink." I say, smelling the alcohol in his breath. I take the glass from his hand and walk away from him. He's not what I want. I don't want him, I don't want anyone.

I pick up my dress and walk out of the dining hall and up the stairs until I reach my room. I need to get some sleep. I need to sleep off everything. What happened with Ben, what happened with Lucas and what happened with myself.

AN

Okay, how do you all feel?

He's back! Whoop! I'm actually really happy Ben is back.

I TOLD YA'LL I WOULDN'T DISAPPOINT YOU!

xx