Forbidden Love | Reylo Fanfiction

41. The Sand

We sit there, just staring hopelessly at the ocean like it'll change something. Maybe change the way things went down the first time we met, maybe the last time we met. It doesn't matter. What's done is done and there is nothing we can do to change that. We sit there, in silence. The sound of my name echoing from his lips, his name echoing from mine. It's quiet here. I can't say silent though. Apart from the waves lapping against the sand, the only noise is the bellowing sound of my mind. Twirling, swirling and smashing stupid thoughts around. The memories are most apparent, quaking and creating so many questions. I want them to explain themselves, but they don't. They can't. Obviously, they can't but I don't accept that. I can't accept that, I want an answer. I want to say something but I daren't interrupt the silence. It's too precious. It's not uncomfortable, the silence, it's nice. It's something we both need. It's a breathing space, it's something that will heal us.

He is the one to break the silence, crack through the thick layer of nothingness. "You're not alone." He says, his voice ever so gentle on his lips. The words echo, his voice calm and smooth. This makes me smile, I missed this Ben. I had lost him a while ago, we all had. But I was almost sure he was back. My lips are curved into a sweet smile, my lips pressed together. He had said these words to me before, I had believed him then, I believed him now too. He had no reason to lie, I knew this. I knew he wasn't lying, just like he didn't lie last time he said those three words. "I have them too, whatever they are." He adds, his voice still as smooth as it was a second ago, maybe even smoother. I sit up straighter, turning my head to meet his. He has them too. I knew it! I knew that I couldn't, that I wasn't alone. He wasn't lying. I knew this, I knew that he wasn't. But it was the relief, Ben wasn't lying. It was the relief of the tiny percentage that he may have been, the slight darkness in him.

"They started off pleasant, childhood memories." He continues, his eyes not meeting mine, only meeting the ocean. "They're growing darker, Rey. They're much more intense and I don't know what they are." He shifts in his seat, wiggling to find a more comfortable position. The sand is uncomfortable but for some reason, we still sit, the sound of each others voices comforting us.

My heart quickens it's pace as I look at him, his eyes now meeting mine. I shift my body around so that instead of facing the ocean, I am now facing him. He shifts too, and it's all of a sudden like the hut on Alch-To but this time it's real, it's not a force bond. It's here, in person and it's not like it was before. It's a lot different. "It's frustrating me because I can't- I don't know what they are! They have to be something, Rey." He says, almost crying out with frustration.

I nod, I understand what he's saying. For so long, I have thought that I was alone. That these were here to torture me, make me feel guilty. Maybe even to warn me or to trick me. "I need to talk to Luke, he has to know what's going on." I sigh, listening to the sound of the ocean crashing down against the sand. I really need answers, desperately. I hear Ben scoff and I look at him, irritated. What was so funny? "What?" I ask, crossing my arms, a frown forming on my face. Ben just shakes his head and sighs. "I already spoke to him, he claims he knows nothing of it."

I shake my head in disbelief. Surely, that wasn't true. Surely. Luke knew everything, he surely knew about this. Clearly Ben saw the look on my face and he nodded in agreement. "That's what I thought, he had to know something. He told me I'd find the answer here." He says, looking at me. His deep alluring eyes captivated me as flecks of gold danced within the deep swirls of cocoa making them appear to have a mystery hidden, a story. Obviously I knew this story, the heart breaking tragedy of Ben Solo. But as I looked into his eyes, they sparkled like a thousand lanterns floating into the sky. I almost lost myself in them. I couldn't do that. I couldn't lose myself to a pair of pretty eyes.

"He knows something, Ben." I sigh, trying not to get myself distracted in those eyes. I shift in the sand to make myself more comfortable, the sand crawling through the cracks between my fingers. Ben nods, looking into the sand. I look at it too, admiring the different shapes and sizes. The sand is a reminder of Jakku, not too pleasant. But it doesn't bother me, not in the slightest. It's just an object. It doesn't define a place, it doesn't define me.

"I know ." He replies in almost a whisper. I look back up at him, admiring the freckles speckled on his beautiful porcelain skin. It's only then a thought pops into my mind. Leaning on my hands, I push my body up. I stand there, brushing the sand off of my pants and I look down to him. He looks at me, confusion in his eyes. My hand extends and he takes it, allowing me to help him up.

"Well let's find the answer, come on." I say, tugging at his arm. His hand is still in mine as I turn to lead him to Luke's cave. We could find answers, we could go and talk to Luke together. As I go to walk, I am pulled back. I turn around to protest. Why is he stopping me?

"I've found the answer."  He whispers.

AN

Its finally here guys!!! Whoop whoop!

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Hopefully I'll be able to write more often now I'm off school for spring break x