Affection | N.H

Chapter 1

( "Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real ones to be silly."-Rose Franken.)

"I am going to be fine Caitlin." I I tell Caitlin for the hundredth time. She is more worried than I am.

"But how will I live without you?" She pushes her blonde hair behind her ear and sighs. Her blue eyes sparkle under the light, which is a hint for me to walk away before she bursts into tears.

"You'll live." I give her a hug and walk away for the night. I hate crying in front of people because it presents me weak. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if Caitlin didn't bring me to her house that night?

I don't have time to think about all the dreadful things that has happened to me in the past four years. I am going to start a new beginning of life and I will succeed. I am sure I will look at my past and smile at it, realizing how strong I always have been. Bad thoughts are trying to distract me but this time, I will win.

I shut my bedroom door behind me and walk to my bed. Wincing at the killing pain of my fresh scars that I made a while ago out of anticipation, I pull the oversized quilt over my body and slide down underneath its warmth.

It will all begin tomorrow.

..

I open my eyes slowly by the sound of cupboards opening and closing very loudly downstairs. I don't want to leave Caitlin either. But, I feel like I am a burden on her and I want to give her some space so that she can enjoy her life instead of worrying about me all the time, well I feel like she worries about me.

The knots in my stomach are unbearable by the time I have taken a shower and put on my knee length floral print jeans and the pink top with flowers curved near the neckline with net fabric. I have made sure to wear a cardigan on top to cover my arms. Sins. My arms are occupied with sins.

I stand before the mirror and observe myself. My face. I never liked my face with those pimples that appear out of the blue sometimes. Thank goodness none are visible today. My brown naturally strightened hair is something that I like a little about myself. My father had this dark brown hair. My eyes are choclate brown and match my hair. I got my father's traits, which I am not very happy or proud about.

I take in a deep breath and walk out my room with weak knees and a trembling body.

"You okay?" Caitlin asks me while washing her cereal bowl.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I crack a fake smile, something I am very good at. "Let's go." I say putting on my converse.

"Have some breakfast first." Caitlin tells me as usual. She still doesn't have any idea about my eating habits. She still doesn't understand my hatred towards food going into my body. And I am very glad that she doesn't because I will never be ready to answer the questions she will have for me.

"I'm alright, lets just go." I press, stomping towards the doorway.

..

Caitlin drives me to my campus, Adelaide City College. It is my first week here but I am already on my way to go away. I want a new beginning so bad. Kristen's eyes are glued to her phone as I approach her at the administration building. She texted me last night before dinner saying she will wait here for me. I clear my throat sofly to gain her attention.

"G'day mate." Kristen snorts and puts her phone away in the pockets of her jean shorts. "Ready for today?" A wide grin takes over her face. I cannot tell if she is happy about the big oppurtunity I got or if she just wants me to go away.

Please don't blame my thinking; but that's what people always wanted from me. People always wanted to get rid of me.

"Pfft." I roll my eyes trying to sound as normal as possible. I don't want anyone to hear the anxiousness in my voice.

"I will take that as a no." Kristen smiles sweetly. She is very beautiful and the most beautiful aspect about her is the long, light brown hair covering her back. Her green eyes look around everywhere but me. She speaks up after a while. That's okay, it's not just her who gets bored with me. "I just wanted to say good luck." Her arms fly around me and she pulls me into a hug. Without saying anything else, Kristen walks away towards building 10 where her boyfriend Lachlan is probbaly waiting for her.

I pat down on my outfit, take a deep breath and step into the adminstration office. "Tarisha.." Laura's sweet voice makes me turn towards the front desk, where she usually sits.

"Good morning there." I force my best smile.

"Don't talk to me Tarisha. You're leaving me. I am going to be stuck with these weird college students and have no one to talk to or have a laugh with." Her voice is full of sadness but I know very well that behind that sadness, there is happiness. Happiness for my achievement.

"I didn't make it yet, remember?" I remind her and walk closer to the front desk. It is very early and the building is still empty. Not many teachers are in view either.

"Oh I am sure you'll make it. You're just so beautiful and intelligent that everyone is ready to take you in." Laura walks around her desk and puts both of her hands on my shoulders."I am very proud of you sweetheart. Go in and good luck." She places a small kiss on my forehead. I wish i could tell her how much I will miss her too. She gave me the love of a mother that I always lacked. Yes, in a week.

I give Laura a small nod and walk into the conference room to encounter three men who are all in suits and ties. Their little buzzing stops and they all look up at me. "Ah, Tarisha Kraft?" The man who's name badge says David, asks me.

"Yes sir." I gulp the bile that formed in my throat.

"Please take a seat." The other man with the badge saying Martin, offers me a seat. "Can we please see your file." The last man with an oversized moustache underneath his nose, asks me. I nod quickly and hand them my black folder, which has my reports and certificates from high school. They stare at my face instead of my folder. Sweat appears on my forehead and goosebumps rise on my skin

"Ms Tarisha Kraft. To be fair and honest, I have already seen your report cards. I am very well aware of your achievements in you years of high schooling as well. To find out in depth about you, I had a chat with a couple of your teachers earlier and they gave me an excellent feedback. You, in all means, deserve this scholarship to Melbourne State College. So, without further due, I would like to offer you to join MSC from Wednesday which is two days from now." Mr David leans forward and entwines his fingers on the table.

Not knowing what to say, I sit there silently like an idiot. My mouth searches for words to say but not a single sound comes out.

Three of the men let out a melodic laugh.

"Thank you so much sir. Thank you so much." I smile, a real smile, a happy smile.

"No worries. I just want you to begin the classes and make us proud of our decison. Deserving a scholarship is a pretty big thing. We have to do a lot of picking. You deserved it and you earned it today. Make the best out of this oppurtunity." Mr David smiles.

I nod and for some reason, the smile doesn't leave my face. I stand up and shake my hand with each of the three men.

Observing the silent voice inside me, which always taunts my flaws, I say something to it this time. Bitch, I won the first battle.